thisroutehastolls

Reason 327: I am such a scared person. I hate change. I am terrified of trying new things. I do not want to grow up at all. I get upset thinking about how much my friends have changed after high school, not because they're worse but just because they've changed at all. I get excited about milestones like graduation and college and my first job, not because I'm genuinely excited, but because I know these steps are necessary for my future so I'm more happy to have it over with. And the major reason for all of this, for my clinginess and my inability to change is that I am so afraid to fail. I always have been. It's probably part of my lack of self-confidence. If it's something I must do, such as school and work, which will help me grow and be the person I want to be, I will try to be as absolutely positive as possible because being negative affects performance and, quite frankly, isn't as fun! I'd much rather be positive and spread positivity.

Welp, I'm 18 now. No, that isn't really adulthood and anyone who says it is is a fool. However, I'm starting to make decisions on my own. Big decisions. These are decisions about projects that I may or may not start. Best case scenario, these projects are life-changing. And these are projects that I DO want to dedicate time to. Not because I am being forced to. Not because it's what is the logical choice in terms of my future. But because I have a genuine interest and would like to tackle them. Whether or not I will go through with any of these projects is unknown as of yet. But the idea of finally making changes that I actually want to make is enough to make me cry. So many possibilities!

The title is a reference to one of the potential plans. This is one I REALLY want to happen and is very likely going to. It involves your sister, actually! You may ask us about it if you wish. Nothing has been finalized for it as of yet, other than that name. HOPEFULLY it's a name you will see often in the not so distant future ;)