February Finale

• Another sunny day
• Ciara came by the office today! With all the girls in tow. Layla said she liked me haha. I think she found it funny that I was small? But she asked me how old I was and I said I was the same age as her mom. I told her that her mom and I went to school together and she was shocked. She asked if we were friends, and I said of course! And that made her very happy. I got to meet baby Valentina for the first time. She's a few months old now, still so itty bitty. But she's a chunky nugget with big, squishable cheeks and I love her. It was nice to see Ciara again, and to have fun with everyone
• GALA emailed me. I actually got a response. I have a callback, so to speak! Haha they want to see me again. I'm a finalist for the position. Not hired, but a finalist. It's such a confidence boost, honestly. I truly had given up hope on it and thought I'd have to start job hunting again. But maybe not yet. Maybe God has ideas. And she was super sweet, too. Like, wow. This might actually happen
• Shopping for class on Sunday is complete! Hopefully my ideas end up working out.  Shoutout to Claudia who heard I was going to Michaels and was like nah, take my Joann's coupons. Love her so dang much
• CHARLOTTE GOT INTO GRAD SCHOOL! As if there was any doubt but like I'M SO THRILLED FOR HER IT'S WHAT SHE DESERVES MY WONDERFUL BEST FRANNN
• February is over. I made it. I'm alive. Like, not just hey I completed this challenge. But hey, God granted me life and I didn't squander it. I didn't let my demons get the best of me. I actually came out of the dark hole relatively okay. It's not like the clock strikes midnight and March means no more depression. BUT it means that around now is when my body usually starts to wake up again and I get a better hold of my emotions and plans and such. And, God willing, I get to keep moving forward

Letters From the Past

It's Saturday! My plans got cancelled so I spent most of today in PJs doing personal stuff for me. Cleaning. Laundry. Church lesson stuff. Lots of Netflix haha. And man, sleeping in. So so so necessary. While I was cleaning, I found some old stuff. In a 2010 math binder (different from the giant pile of notes from middle school), I saw a small letter from Jason Guerrero. He essentially was checking in on me because I seemed sad or upset, and he let me know that he was always available if I needed to talk. It's such a kind sentiment. One I needed today. And one I'm happy to know is still valid - no expiration date. Speaking of date, I also found two letters from Xabiel. They were love letters. The only love letters I've ever gotten in my whole life. Throwback to junior year. You know, I was really lucky to have him. Even with the amazing life changes he's gone through, I know we wouldn't have worked out. But I'm just so lucky to have him as a friend now. And back then, when I needed to know someone cared about me and saw real value in me, he was absolutely there for me. It's so cute, his spelling is off and he ABSOLUTELY wrote stream of consciousness (which I do, too, but I at least try to sound eloquent haha). And I feel like that makes it so much more genuine and real. Like, we were 16, I didn't need all the floral nonsense. That probably would've made it cringey to be honest haha. I can look at it and just know I was special to him, as he was special to me. What a lovely, warm memory.

Happy anniversary to Hannah and Nick. I wish you every happiness.
And to Eric and Elena?! I thought they were still fighting about whether it was the 10th or the 14th BUT YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'RE CELEBRATING THIS WEEKEND so I'm just gonna go ahead and say it today so that my bases are covered ;) I'm so glad you found each other.

Wow, I've dated all the guys I've mentioned today. Yikes. But most of them have much more meaningful relationships with me outside of the romance. You know, the ones who bother to talk to me. Ooh Sammy, getting petty haha. But seriously, mad love to them all. I am who I am because of them. And, INCLUDING the many others that stood by my side over the years, I'm grateful I always had my boys to make me feel safe and loved.

Falling Higher

My simple mind doesn't understand this crazy music but it's going to be stuck in my head for forever.

I was part of a show today. After rehearsing for a month with an awesome cast, I was a part of a staged reading of Jake Sheffer's Falling Higher. Seriously, I can't express my gratitude. I was just happy to be in rehearsals with a script in my hands. That feeling alone was something I longed for and this process helped me get that back. Jake was so incredibly passionate about this play, the cast was tons of fun, and Mama and Papa Sheffer were supportive as ever. Working with this cast was special because so many of them were part of my high school experience. Being around them all makes my heart happy. And spending time with them tonight after the show felt SO good. So unbelievably good. Because we did it! It was done. We brought something to life together and helped Jake achieve a goal. And we could spend the time catching up with good food and great memories. It's really hard for me to put these feelings into words. But being reunited with people I haven't had in my life for sometime and then hearing "please stay in touch" in an ACTUAL GENUINE TONE WITH A TRUE DESIRE TO REMAIN IN CONTACT is so heartwarming. You know me. I've got this thing about letting people go and not wanting to be forgotten. It's nice that these bonds have lasted and that we can still enjoy one another. I hope this is not the last I see of this beautiful motley crew.

My Darling Laughing Trio

A lot of laughing today. Like a lot a LOT of it. And really stupid stuff of course, like "hot puberty" (its a noun) and "deep restrooms" (undecided). And a lot of really serious talking, too. Stories galore. Some scary. Some sad. Some cutesy. Some funny. Some romantic. Some exciting. Some shocking. All so wonderful to hear. I do not think there are words to say how much I missed my girls, Margie & Charlotte. I'd be so lost without them. I was so lost without them. But now we're all back. The laughing trio is back.

A Good Morning Text

December 20. 10:48AM EST.

"Hey beautiful. I'm currently in Maryland." ~ Hector

World's Best RA

Can we please talk about how adorable Norman is right now? He's legit walking into the lobby checking on me. Like making sure I'm okay and don't need help with this project or whatever. And he came in to say goodnight and everything. I love wonderful people.

I think I've already posted this? I don't care. I like it :D

You Are The Angel

I think I've figured it out. The reason why Hector and I have always been able to have 3 hour long conversations without ever experiencing a dull moment. He does A LOT of the talking XD

But in all seriousness. Every time he calls it brightens my day. Reconnecting with an old friend. Sharing our struggles and our successes. And it doesn't hurt that he always has something nice to say about me haha. The title is lyrics from one of his songs which was slightly relevant in our conversation today. He is someone I definitely wish I could see again.

I guess I have a thing for friends in faraway places.

Weller Road

Reason 342: So first off, I've been texting Xabiel basically all day. Blast from the past! Which has been quite pleasant, 'cause it's like nothing changed. Also, I went to the mall today with Storm & Jason, which was fun. When we were in Target, we ran into Salvador! I don't know if you remember him. I honestly hadn't really talked to him since Elementary School, unless I was hanging out with Kimberly. (He and Kim grew up on the same block, their moms are very good friends). He's stayed very good friends with Alex, so the boys knew him fairly well. And Salvador was shopping with his mom! Oh my goodness it was like a wave of nostalgia just hit me. She saw me and recognized me immediately. She gave me a big hug and kiss, as Latina mommas do, and she went on about how I've grown and how pretty I've gotten and how surprised she is I don't have a boyfriend.

 

This summer is gonna give me such a fat head. She, of course, asked where I went to school and what I was doing, how I liked it. She even mentioned seeing pictures of Cristina because Kimberly had shown her mom! It was kinda crazy. But she was just so sweet and welcoming and it took me back to a really happy time in my life. Back when Kim and I would walk over to Salvador's house and we'd all play Mario Party together. Childhood is always so welcoming.

TBH I had thought my reason for today would be something different, but it very much was not what I had anticipated. Which isn't the best feeling. But it's okay! People change, myself included. And maybe it's not how it once was, but at the end of the day there is love and fun. And that's what matters. SPEAKING OF it's okay, I found this video last night. And I'm in love with this song now.

But Ya Gotta Have Friends

Reason 332: Today was a day for revisiting friendships. After the whole drama of a BEE IN MY HOUSE, I calmed down and got myself to Downtown Silver Spring (lolmiddleschool). I spent my evening with Jason! It was fun, I honestly missed him. Same humor and personality I love. I can see some change in him, he's grown up, even if only a little heh. And he's still really kind to me, which I so needed. We went to Color Me Mine, and of course only I painted because Jason was too afraid he wouldn't like what he made haha. We got some frozen yogurt, which was flippin' delicious. We talked about a whole bunch of stuff. You know, they say misery enjoys company. And it's not like I'm glad to see Jason upset. But considering how distant I've felt from our old friends and how much I feel they've changed, it's just nice to know I'm not the only one who sees it. It may just mean I have some growing up and changing of my own to do. But at least I'm not alone. We saw This Is The End. So much of it should not have been funny but it had me rolling! I'm so glad I got to see it. And then we ran into a couple of friends from high school, all of Jason's old gang, but (aside from one) they were all upper classmen and weren't so close with me. I was surprised that out of all of them, I got the warmest welcome from DP. Due to some series of events, Jason's mom couldn't come get us. Getting  a ride with the group meant staying and waiting, and it was like 9:40. So, like a selfish brat (I hate myself I'm so awful omg I can't believe I did this I'm a horrible person) I called Eric (Allasi) and asked him for a ride. And like the knight in shining armor he is, he rushed over and picked me up. And I spent a good 5 minutes thanking him and saying how sorry I was. And then we just caught up and laughed and talked about work and such. Seriously, it's impossible to feel down around Eric. He treats me so well. To think I let him go for someone who dumped me after two weeks. Meh! Look at all the things that change in a year :)

This song is a part of the letter I wrote you today

Old Promises

I finished Sword Art Online

Don't judge me

Reason 194: Guess who I ran into today! Carlos, from middle school! Well, middle school for you, elementary school for me. It's weird, we go to the same school but I honestly never see him. We bumped into each other during dinner, which was pretty cool. The conversation ended with him saying, "You still need to play me in MarioKart!" We legitimately made that deal in 7th grade. I'm glad he remembered. It warmed my heart a little :)

Let's go stargazing sometime!