Black Friday

Any day I get to sleep in is a gift, honestly. I also got to film today, without the pressure of a deadline, so it felt good. I like when I get to use new things for the first time, so wearing my new shirt and using my new mug gave me the simplest pleasure. In my video, I mentioned that PINOF was coming out soon and SURE ENOUGH it came out this evening. I've already watched it twice. I love Dan & Phil, in case no one noticed. Michael came over today! I'll be honest it was a bit odd just because our dynamic is so different from basically every other time we've hung out alone. But not weird in an awkward way, weird in a wow we've grown as people kind of way. We watched Atlantis, which is vastly underrated, and we agreed that he's absolutely Milo and I'm absolutely Audrey. Except she's way cooler than I am, especially at 14. Then we watched Lemonade Mouth because I insist that everyone needs to see it and he actually enjoyed it so I call today a success. We went to the mall which I've never done on Black Friday. I tried to return a dress but since I waited so long, they could only exchange it, so I took advantage and got a different dress, along with some PJ pants AND Jess' Christmas present! We went into FYE and I finally saw Pumpkin Pete's cereal in person. I was tempted to buy it but ya girl isn't about to spend $13 on a cereal box. We really had a great time. And now I'm home and I will start editing soon. Whenever I stop rewatching PINOF. It's a good day, guys. Do you know how long I've wanted a day off? How long I've needed a day that felt completely mine? Yesterday and today are better than anything I could've asked for. Seriously. My body needed this.

Ugly Turkey

We had our Thanksgiving women's bible study. Lovely as always, with good word and lots of fun. Everyone got a cute little turkey made of a fall leaf, paper, marker, and a clothes pin. It's super cute. But it was apparently meant to be ugly. The idea was that we always thank God for the great and wonderful things He does in our lives. We should also be thanking Him for the ugly, unpleasant, dark, difficult things. He's in control of all of it, and we should be grateful. Especially because we know good comes from it in the end. We were meant to write something on this little turkey. We could throw it out or keep it, as long as we remembered to give thanks for it. Admittedly? The first thing I thought of was Trump. I almost thanked God for that awful man, because I knew that even he is God's creation and even though I knew he inspired so much hate and violence and judgement and malicious action, there's been an outpouring of peace and compassion and assistance trying to drown him out. I wanted to think about the negative things that changed my year. The depression. The stress. I was very close to writing my job down, if I'm being honest. But then I decided on something that has inspired a lot of my bad decisions and hardest breakdowns in the past year. Something that I am still not 100% at peace with, though for different reasons now than initially. Something that I pretend to see God's hand in but really just kind of hope with all my heart and faith in Him that this was the right decision and that He made it this was for some reason completely unknown to me. I'm annoyed at how pathetic this option was. But it was just cryptic enough that my manager couldn't get offended and my friends would have no clue what it meant. I wrote 7.17.16. And it's going to sit on my shelf. And if it's the last thing I'll do, I'll learn to be grateful for it. And for the fact that where I am now is leagues beyond where any of us were then.

It's Thanksgiving Weekend

To make long stories short: Getting out of work early is so very beautiful. Driving in daylight is not fun, but much better than the dark. Christmas music is fun. Food is so good. Family is amazing. My small ones make me happy. Days off from work are much needed. And I'm just blessed in a million ways. My Thanksgiving video is up on my channel. And, as grateful as I am for all the kind messages I received yesterday. I will never ever ever get over these texts from my mentees. It warms my heart to no end.

The Right Words from the Right People at the Right Time

5-19-15

Appreciate your home. The building I mean. Appreciate how clean it is. Appreciate the AC. Appreciate the lack of creakiness. Appreciate the bed you sleep in. Appreciate the shower with a real shower head that you can use whenever you want. Appreciate your ceiling, complete with tiles. Appreciate doors separating all the rooms. And appreciate having ALL YOUR CLOTHES right there with you.

Day 19: In the distance

Is the beginning of this river, and the end of it

I don't know where either is

But the river must go through quite a journey, and I should do the same.

OK

I finally had time to go through all my clothes and get my closet organized. It's still crazy packed. I own way too many things, but I honestly wear more than I thought I did. I was able to get rid of a good handful of shirts, but I realized a few things. The first is that I am quite privileged to have all those items of clothing, especially when many only have one or two. I have plenty of shirts and not a lot of money, so I should just be grateful for what I have. RT merch can wait. The second is that you can find stories in the strangest places. I kept my Loiederman gym shirt, right next to my Upward Bound tee. Somewhere down the row I had my Music Man shirt from middle school, with the full cast on the back. And how can anyone forget the Music Department shirt for Hershey Park? That was the year Mr. Guerra spelled Loiederman wrong (he forgot the "e"). Such good times. The third was that I loved those shirts, but I never wear them. And I certainly will always have the memories, but it's okay to let them go. They were fun. And I am grateful. But I don't need those pieces of fabric to remind me. The fourth, and final one, was that despite this realization, I will not be willing to give up my S.T.A.G.E shirts for a very very long time. That was my home for four years, after all. I was more than ready to give up my McDaniel Hairspray shirt, but not my Einstein one. Something about the designs Aaron Fellows created just feels far too important to ever give up. On a lighter note, I have a few hand me downs for my Little now! Hopefully I can give them to her soon. They're nothing too magnificent, but the girl should have more than just one set of letters :3

Madeon's Adventure album got me through this chore

Have I ever mentioned Madeon?

He's my age. Actually he was born the same day as my niece! But in 1994.

He's a DJ from France. The only person I know of that is a bigger Daft Punk fan than I am.

He's husband #4. Ok? OK.

5-10-15

I am a Red vs Blue fan.

I hate goodbyes.

But today was our last meeting in Alpha Psi Omega for the school year. It was kinda hard. I didn't think it would be, until miss "ready to leave-I know exactly how many days until graduation" herself said "I don't want to countdown anymore" with a bright red face and tears in her eyes. She almost got me, that one. I didn't want to cry. It made no sense to cry. Half of the seniors don't have their shop hours done. And I'm going to be here all of exam week so I will definitely see them at some point. But facts are facts. Lyndsay, Matthew, Craig, Sarah, Ashley, Daniel, and Emily are graduating. Adam is transferring. Jehan may transfer. Goodbyes are in order.

So that's what our meeting somehow was today. We said goodbye. It was nice. There were lots of tears. None from me. Not yet. Those will happen some time later this week when I REALLY say goodbye. But I waited patiently. I whined about John Moletress and his useless comments on my paper (yes, I know I haven't included citations. You would too if you had read my email). I got myself organized. I unsuccessfully looked for pizza. And then I spoke to the seniors and thanked them briefly for being in my life. I am glad I got to do so with my regular pale face instead of a red snotty one. We'll see if I maintain that composure by the end of the week. Never, not once, in all my days did I think mister Valentin-Morales would be the one to make me almost cry. But yes. Hugs & love are always really nice.

So I will most likely link this onto the Alpha Psi Omega current cast page on Friday. Because I should. But I'm sentimental now. And I have feelings. And writing them down is important. I swear there's a reason this goes on this blog. Goodbyes are hard. Memories are, in fact, a very nice thing.

Thank you. Forever. Endlessly. For being such beautiful people. For the love and light you have brought into my life. For letting me watch you be amazing, and learn how to maybe be amazing, too. Thank you for many laughs at way too late hours of the night. Thank you for holding me while I cried and for trusting me to do the same for you. Thank you for the ridiculous amounts of support, in and out of Alpha Psi Omega. Thank you for, in the kindest ways possible, correcting me when I was wrong. Thank you for backing me up when I was right. Thank you for letting me into your heart when I know so well that I did not deserve that. Thank you for forgiving me when I wasn't worthy of it. Thank you for showing me kindness, even when you barely knew me. Thank you for sharing your lives with me. Thank you for sharing a stage with me. I don't know if there's much difference with those last two, honestly. But I'm glad I could play a small part in the magnificent and massive adventures you people will have. There's no way a single one of you would not be able to conquer the world. I could write paragraphs about each and every one of you, but we'll just save those for another time. Keep moving forward. Don't forget to flush. Wear sunscreen. Know that I love you. 

Seek a life useful.

Through God Who Strengthens Me

Major Accomplishments That Have Been Made Possible By The Lord (inspired by Graeme)

• I have been Stage Mom for two years, and I have helped many people within Alpha Psi
• I am able to show my Little just how much she means to me and be there for her
• I run this blog to remind myself and others of the joy that can be found in this world
• Despite my fear, I have been a pretty great Aunt to Cristina
• I was in a seven year toxic relationship and I got out

MAJOR. Accomplishments. I do not know if I can stress how difficult these have been. But I did it. And it is not based on my wavering strength, but on the consistent unstoppable strength of God. He was with me then. And He will continue to be with me through my troubles. Through the struggles of project stress. Through my journey for self-love. Through this trial of making the right decisions and mending my heart after experiencing loss. All of it. I've just got to take one more step. And after all those steps I have already taken, with God by my side, one more step seems possible.

Thank You's All Around

A thank you to my Little's brother, Michael, for donating to my Relay for Life page and supporting a great cause.

A thank you to Mariah & Jen for holding onto me while I cried and making sure I was okay.

A thank you to my Little because her love is unending and I feel it so much in my life, and I'm just so blessed.

A thank you to Adam for holding me during the movie, and for wiping my tears as I lost it again, and for reminding me that he and many others still care about me.

A thank you to Joshy for understanding, despite the difficulty, that I just can't talk about what's wrong and showing me love anyway.

A thank you to Laura for notifying Mariah & me when Mandy got dizzy, and for always taking such good care of my Little.

There is a lot of love in my life. And I am thankful for it.

Prayers from Small Hands

We went to church today. Our church has services on Thursdays that are specifically for prayer. We sing a little bit. We have our lesson as usual. And then we have half an hour to pray. We pray in groups for the specific requests from the congregation. So that others know we are here to support them and that we will pray for their health, their safety, their success, their happiness, their spiritual growth and so on. Of course, before we all start praying, whoever is leading the service at that time asks for any thanks someone may want to give publicly or anything we may want the congregation to pray for. Tonight, thanks came from a little boy. He looks familiar but honestly I can't say I know him. Maybe I just need to go to more Thursday services. Regardless. He gave the Lord thanks for his family, for the privilege he has to be living where he is, and for his life and love in general. It warmed my heart. He stood up of his own accord to say that. If he truly was so greatly moved by what God has blessed him with that he felt the need to share it with all of us, then I honestly can't think of a greater gift. How blessed is he to have found that kind of love so young? I am thankful tonight for the heart of that little boy.

An Email from Ira

As I go to check my email because I just remembered Ira had emailed us last week about a paper due tomorrow that I had COMPLETELY forgotten existed:

Bad news, fun lovers. Your favorite professor has been called upon by Carrol
County to preform his civic duty and show up for Jury Duty. Therefore
cotemporary Theatre Class will not meet on Tues 18. This does not mean you have
the time off. There is much for you to do. Read "The Homecoming" if you have
not yet finished it yet. If you have finished it read "Buried Child". The best
advantage my absence will provide is the opportunity for you to polish your 1st
short paper (or begin it) since the due date will be moved to Thurs 20.
I'll tell you all about my adventures on the Jury when I return. Perhaps, we
can use my report as the plot for a contemporary play.
and so it goes...

Bless this man.

England & Wales

A Brief Overview of the Greatest Trip of my Life

• While on the plane, I can't sleep. Merp. Listen to music and watch movies.
• As we fly over London, "The City" by The 1975 plays. Perfection.
• WE SAW MARIAH and got her for a solid 4 days. I love that girl so much.
• Jetlag is real. Toilets are weird. England is expensive. There are sheep everywhere. The grass is so flipping green. Every inch of this country is beautiful.
• Stonehenge. It's so cool. And so mysterious. I loved it. But I for one believe rocks are made to be sat upon. No one seemed to agree with me.
• BATH (hometown of Charlie McDonnell haha fangirl mode on)
• The Francis Hotel in Bath is LEGIT. Best hotel of the whole trip. Stay there.
• Cathedral of Bath
• Sick on Day 2, way to go Sammy!
• Roman Baths. Healing waters man. And so many Roman ruins!!!
• Glastonbury Abbey aka the largest Abbey in Europe before it fell to ruin, thank you Henry and the Austen family. The walls still have some color. The building was massive. And we found out tons about the monks that lived there. Carvings are a motif in literally every building we entered. It also may or may not be the burial place of King Arthur
• Wells Cathedral. Probably my favorite building we entered the whole trip. SO absolutely stunning. Beautiful stained glass, giant chapel, hilarious carvings, unique scissor arches, awesome organ, wonderful choir room, THE COOLEST CLOCK I'VE EVER SEEN, and even a beautiful street where the members of the choir live.
• The Tor. Didn't actually get to climb to the Tor, just climbed the hill. But that view <3
• Peter Pan Panto. Hilarious. And so many references. I died!
• History tour of Bath. Such a great city.
• CARDIFF
• Cardiff Castle. Ruined building, with only maybe 3 rooms still intact. An impressive war time tunnel, spooky and fun! And a tower with 100 steps. Great climb, but not the best view thanks to the rainy weather.
• Jack & the Beanstalk Panto OMG. Best panto ever. The fairy was HILARIOUS. Great music choices. Set as legit. That giant amazed me. Great dancers. Precious children. And I WANT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE COSTUMES. Also, the villain? Fleshcreep? Ugh. New dream role haha
• Millenium Stadium. So big! So cool! It made me want to watch Rugby.
• Doctor Who Experience. LEGIT.  We drove the Tardis and got caught by Daleks and walked through a cemetery filled with Walking Angels and UGH so cool. Matt Smith pretty much MADE the whole thing (recordings, not actual Matt Smith). Museum filled with old sets and props and costumes and suits. And a fantastic gift shop.
• STRATFORD
• Royal Shakespeare Company. Tour of the theatre as well as an acting work shop HOLY CRAP I want to work there. I wish. The costumes and stage and set and lighting instruments and sound system and fly system and wig/make-up professionals and I just cannot deal. I want it to badly.
• Tour of Stratford upon Avon. Saw basically all the major places in Shakespeare's life, including the church he's buried in. Everything is so old and so pretty! Saw Anne Hathaway's cottage. Everything in England is so small! All the doors and beds are my size! The last part of Anne Hathaway's cottage had a little bulletin board where couples would write the stories of how they fell in love. So many of them were of people who did theatre together :)
• Warwick Castle. The princess tower was only for kids ages 3-8. Heart. BROKEN. But they had a bunch of other awesome towers and tunnels and attractions and gift shops and bird shows. There were peacocks just walking around all over the grounds like it was nothing. It was more like they turned an old castle into a theme park. I wish there was a bit more history, but I thoroughly enjoyed it.
• If you ever get the chance to see Wendy & Peter Pan do it. It's not at all what I thought it would be. It's so dark and different and good. Whether or not you liked it, you cannot walk out of that auditorium without truly feeling something. It was pretty mind-boggling. I could rant about that show for the rest of my life, truly I could.
• OXFORD
• Oxford University College tour. Meh. Oxford. To big. Too fancy. Too cold! And a lot like Hogwarts.
• Lunch at the pub where C.S.Lewis &Tolkein went to every Tuesday!
• ENTER LONDON. Look for famous people everywhere like the fangirls we are haha
• First time on a double decker bus, touring London. We walk on the London Bridge We see the London Eye, Tower Bridge, Big Ben, Fleet Street (there was actually a barber shop there omg), Leister Square, Piccadilly Circus, Covenant Garden, Totem Court, Trafalgar Square, Kings Cross, just omg everything. 
• Buckingham Palace. SO BIG AND PRETTY AND HORSES AND GUARDS AND AH! Cristina will be there some day ^_^ haha
• Saw One Man Two Governors. I don't know if I could ever sit through it again, but I definitely laughed until my whole body hurt and had a blast of a time.
• British museum. The history. So impressive. So many cultures that just leave you in absolute awe. And some of those exhibits. WTF England. "Hey that trip to Rome was fun!" "Yeah, but what should we take as a souvenir?" "Hmm, good question. I dunno, how about THIS TEMPLE?!"
• Royal Theatre on Drury Lane. Oldest theatre in West End. Over 500 ghosts. So. Pretty. So impressive. And they have a room for when the "King" visits. Except, there is no King, so now the Queen & the Princes use it. Also apparently Michael Jackson used it.
• National Gallery. You're gonna love the art.
• EFFING BACKSTAGE PASS INTO LES MISERABLES. I STOOD ON THAT STAGE. I could've cried. Seriously. Looking into that audience from the turntable was so overwhelming. I couldn't believe it. Also, we were accompanied by Anton (Enjolras) who I know form his youtube channel so while all the girls were smitten and in love I was like LOL dibs, as well as Rob (Marius) who is just the most precious baby. All thanks to our friend Cait who knows Scott Allen and got us the hook-up. Seriously, I can never thank her enough.
• Les Mis was Les Mis. But I loved it all. I so enjoyed watching everyone perform. All the songs are stuck in my head. I want a recording of specifically that performance (except I want the real Fantine cause we got the understudy and she wasn't that great). Also. Umm. Carrie was phenomonal.
• She gets her own bullet. Oh my Lord. I love her. I'm so happy for her. There she was. Carrie Hope Fletcher (don't act like you don't know, I talk about her on this blog all the time).  Performing her soul out. She does this everyday. She lives her dream everyday. She lives MY DREAM everyday. I couldn't be more proud. And I was so scared that I wouldn't like her. That I'd finally see her perform and think "wow, she can't act". But she was easily one of the best performers on that stage. And that's not just me being biased, the people I asked in my class agreed with me. Ugh. I love her.
• I met her. I met Carrie Hope Fletcher. I ACTUALLY. MET HER. And I it wasn't much to her. I mean it was because she loves meeting her Hopefuls and knowing she's made a difference. But to me. It was EVERYTHING. Best part of the whole trip. I seriously could not have been happier or more excited. I almost cried afterwards. She's smaller than I thought she'd be! And she's just so sweet. I'm so lucky I love such a wonderful person.
• RIDING THE TUBE! AHHH! I'm such a tourist.
• Original site of The Globe theatre and a tour of the new one. Ah! So cool. And authentic!
• Tate Modern. All the art.
• Millenium Bridge! Important for reasons!
• St. Paul's. Entry was 16 pounds. Umm no not about that life. That's too many American dollars to enter a church. But I'm so bitter and regret that decision because I adore churches, really truly.
• Guild Hall. QUITE the impressive building. With sides for "Ayes" and "Noes". We also saw more art! And ruins of the Roman Amphitheater, cool cool cool!
• Fortune's Fool at the Old Vic Theatre. Meh. Russian Comedy.
• Now I'm home. I'm back home. I'm in the USA. It's not nearly as pretty here. But I'm in my own bed and I have my mommy to make me healthy again and I get to see my sister and my niece and eat homecooked meals and not worry about which way to look when crossing the road because PEOPLE DRIVE ON THE RIGHT SIDE and I'm home and it's wonderful.

Thank you. Thank you, Lord, for all of these incredible memories. I wouldn't trade them for anything. And now we beg for money because I have to buy 12 textbooks for next semester and I'm kinda broke.

TOMORROW

EUROPE

Thank you God. Thank you family. Thank you friends. Thank you McDaniel. Thank you world. It's tomorrow. OMG IT'S TOMORROW.

Packages

AHHH! I GOT IT. I LOVE IT. OMG.

You're perfect and I love you forever

THIS KID. My best friend. Sent me a package today. Completely unexpected on my part. I was THRILLED. I'm STILL giddy about it. It absolutely made my day. Contents include

- A letter, which was overdue and I adored reading, with quotations galore

- A handmade bracelet which fits PERFECTLY and went with my purple outfit today ^_^

- A painting done by the sender himself. With a blue rose and the quotation "Ven Que Te Quiero Ahora". The quotation is from a book called Lotería which I intend to get my hands on.

Seriously. Just looking at the packaging I could've cried. As soon as I get a hook, it's going right over my bed. Also, the thought crossed my mind that this may be the closest I get to getting a blue rose haha. My endless thanks dear friend. You've started my week just right.

365 Reasons to Smile

Reason 365

No. My life is not always so happy. I've faced a lot of hard times this year. It hasn't been too fun. But really? Look at this blog. Look. At. This. Blog. Here are 365 moments in my life that I am grateful for. How dare I ever complain about the bad? There truly is so much good. I'm so proud of this project. You can't even imagine. I just sat down and reread every single post in here. Admittedly, I should take time to fix the broken links and typos, but I know what should be there and it's not like anyone else reads this XP ANYSWOOZIES. Thank you. If you're reading this, thank you for taking this journey with me. I had a blast. I hope it inspired some kind of positivity for someone's life. It DEFINITELY has helped mine immensely. Here's to a successful project, and a little journal.

No. This is not the end. Although I will no longer be posting on a set schedule, I will continue to post on this blog and share wonderful stories about my life ^_^

Highlights of this year:

• The beginning of my blog
• Karla getting married
• Music (in order of release: Vital, Ariana Grande singles, Random Access Memories, Love Lust Faith + Dreams)
• My trip to Disney World
•  Joining Alpha Psi Omega
• Baby Cristina

My Hero

Reason 323: Remember Mariah? I posted about her AGES ago. September 28th I believe. When I was incredibly depressed and she took me to my first baseball game. WELP. Lately, I've been lonely. I don't know why. I've just been missing people more so than usual, and realizing a lot of them don't miss me. Also, I'm realizing how much people are changing, which is fine for them, but in terms of where I want to be with my life, it's not healthy. This happens. It's a part of life we all must accept, and we do all get over it. However, as the world's clingiest friend (though surprisingly I'm not that clingy of a girlfriend. Not that you would know, I've been single for the entire time I've had this blog), I sometimes get overwhelmed by this fact of life and get in a rut. Like now. WELL it's Mariah to the rescue. And again, I can't thank her enough. Because in 2 weeks, there is a very high chance I'm going to go see these guys live in concert.

A day with friends and amazing music is all I could ever hope for.

New Home

Reason 271: Finally got room assignments for next year. In a building RIGHT by the theatre. Hallelujah. It's done. The process is over. And I'll be surrounded by some pretty great people.

Happy Birthday Ella!

Thank you. So much. For talking to me today <3 It made a difference you wouldn't believe.

This Is A Musical COMEDY?!

Reason 258: Freakin' Glee. So I watched the latest episode. It's about school shootings. Yada yada. I'm actually kind of annoyed that they talked about it. Stop being so serious, Glee. You're taking on too much. ANYWAY. As awful as it was, I cried like a little BABY 'cause I'm so in touch with my emotions like that. And of course it got me thinking. So today is a day of gratitude. I am grateful for the life God has given me. I am grateful because I truly do feel safe. I am grateful for all the amazing people I have in my life that love and inspire me, and have truly made my life so much better. I am grateful because, if I had to say my last words to anyone, I would have absolutely nothing negative to say about or to anyone, that's how amazing these people are. I'm grateful because, God willing, I have an entire future ahead of me. I still need to graduate. Get my first job. Learn to drive (merp). Learn to swim! See Daft Punk live. And before any of that, meet my beautiful niece. I have lots to look forward to. Here's to life's blessings, and the blessing that is life itself.

Thanks for Noticing!

Apologies! My silliness forgot I actually do this EVERY DAY.

Merp. Rehearsal. What is sleep?

Sorry

Reason 220: I wore one of my favorite outfits today. It's simple, because I just don't do flashy ever. But I love it. It was actually a gift. And this is the first time I wore it on campus. Here I am feeling pretty dang good about it, until no one says anything. Oh well. It really is just a plain shirt. No big deal. Yeah, it's fine. I need to stop waiting for compliments. That's not what I should strive towards. I like my outfit and that's all that matters. Oh wait, what? What's that? Oh hello two kind people! Why yes, this is a new shirt! Yes, I like it, too. Thank you so much! You've made my day :3 Sometimes I let the girly side show. Who doesn't love compliments, right?

2 weeks!

She Want That

Reason 219: After the longest, most hectic day of zero breaks and running from one place to another and a rehearsal that ended at 11:30... CAKE! Courtesy of Brittany's incredible mommy. Hallelujah.

But let's be real, this show will be AWESOME.