Reason 156: The end of 2012.
Sorry. I'm about to rant endlessly, and I need to say this. Feel free to skim through it, but I just need somewhere to say everything. After all, this is 2012. Haven't we waited for this year.. for all our lives?
This year is, without a doubt, the most memorable. I started thinking I might have someone to keep around, and end the year alone. Hehe, not that it's bad, just an observation. But seriously, I can't even believe how much has happened. It's been a long year! We were already planning my sister's wedding! I built up someone special to me only to be let down. I went to my last Theatre Fest. I reevaluated my friendships, but mostly myself, and came to terms with everything. I played matchmaker! I sobbed at new anime, because that's what I do. I had a friendship that proved to be one of the most important things in my life. I participated in my final show with Einstein S.T.A.G.E, and sobbed farewells with the family that I've come to love so dearly. I got close to my church family, realizing just how much support and love they have given me, and finally appreciating their company. I got close to depression (well, at least someone thinks I did), and took steps to help myself. I kept a journal, and realized how much writing could heal me. I spent an absolutely miserable, not-worth-the-money night (prom, which my mom forced me to go to) with one of my favorite people in the world, making it all a million times better. I graduated! My sister and I graduated in the same month, and moved onto bigger, brighter things. I got into the school of my dreams, and made the decision to not go in order to save money for my family. I learned new things about one of the best friends I'd had for over 4 years, and realized just how much I could really count on him and look up to him. I had the first boyfriend my mom was okay with... which lasted all of 2 weeks haha, and I learned that I get over things long before my mother does (she brought it up LAST WEEKEND.. like.. can I help you?) but maybe my being okay with my life is slightly more important than my mom being okay with my life. -shrug-. I spent the last few days I could with the people who have been so special to my life for so long. I got a journal that changed my life. I got my heart absolutely shattered, and spent a good bit of my time feeling a ridiculous amount of pain, until I finally stood back up stronger than ever. I got over it, and realized how much of my life I'd been ignoring. And I started a blog that changed my life for the better, making every day something to look forward to. I got addicted to the YouTube community (more so than I already was, yeesh), and have been able to find people that seriously inspire me. I got an itty bitty turtle named Peligro. I got over myself and went to a school I wasn't too excited about, only to find out that it was the perfect place for me. I got stuck with the most incredible roommate I could seriously ever ask for. I made some insane, but oh so wonderful new friends. I got a significant role in my first college production. My sister got married to the first boyfriend of her's I've ever liked, aka the man who has proven to me time and time again that he truly loves her and our family. I felt pretty for the first time in years upon years upon years, and spent the day partying with my family, a very good friend, and relishing in my sister's glow. Seriously, I've never seen her happier than her wedding day. I'm still proud of myself for holding back my tears and keeping my shoes on! I spent the night, and the rest of the week, talking to the person who works his way into my heart so easily. I felt a connection with him that I'd never had before, even if we were limited to text on a computer screen. I skyped with this kid until 6am one day, just to have him joke and suggest and explain, while I sobbed and missed him and laughed and had my breath absolutely taken away. Sorry, it sounds ridiculous, but you don't forget calls that last til 6am. I was let down when I couldn't see him. I questioned my relationship with him. I questioned my relationship with a lot of my friends. And I think I'm still getting answers. Other answers presented themselves right away. I put on my first college production, and had an absolute blast with this new family of mine. I got news that, by June next year, I'm going to be an aunt. (By the way, the baby is now the size of a sweet potato!). I came home and watched my S.T.A.G.E babies put on their fall show, making me realize for the 1st time how much I missed home. I lost our little turtle. I cut my hair exactly how I'd wanted it for over a year! I went through a lonely phase, as I so often do, because I'm the only one without a significant other. I began to get over it. In fact, I think I'm finally okay with just joking about it and knowing that my time is far off, and it's better that way. Let's be real, I need time to find some better options (haha I love my boys! So much! All the love!). I made a decision that really has defined me, and I think it's made me more capable of focusing on myself rather than the things in life that shouldn't matter to a teenager. I started writing letters again, which was so great for me. I decorated for winter, and had basically the coolest looking dorm ever. Whoever stole my ribbon was obviously jealous. I had the worst birthday ever, along with the strongest illness of my life. I finished my first semester of college, with all A's! I came home just in time to see my sister getting over her Hyperemesis and, though she's still not fully healed, start to get better and better everyday. I bought the least amount of Christmas presents I have ever bought in my life! And sent out all my Christmas cards, aka my favorite tradition. I went to my sister's church and cried. I went to my church and spent time with some of my favorite people, even if it did get a little hectic. I spent time with my insane but oh so lovable family. I read 2 books in 2 days. And now we're here.
Oh my gosh why is she still writing, aren't her entries supposed to be short? Isn't she done yet? GAH.
Sorry, but some thank you's are in order. Thanks to YouTube, because all you vloggers have taught me a lot over the year, as well as made me laugh to no end. Thank you to everyone I go to church with. You guys have brought me SO much to be thankful, including a support group that I know will never steer me wrong. You also managed to bring me back into reality, and snap me out of my lonely spiral to see that I need to focus on me. Thank you to all my little S.T.A.G.E loves for your support and encouragement, and all the hugs everytime I visit. Special thanks to Spencer & Diana, for being there for me this summer/first semester in more ways that you can imagine. Thank you to Smeallie, for all that you've taught me, all the support you've shown, and for believing in me. Thanks to Evan for the love of a big brother, and for making prom fun, despite the dress up (because in case you didn't know, I LOVE jeans, and I despise wearing dresses). Thank you to JuanJosé and LuzKarime, who despite distance are absolutely always there for me and have proven to be some of my best friends. Thank you to my girls, Charlotte & Margie, for making me laugh like absolutely no one else in this world can. Thank you to my girls on campus: Lauren, Sara, Jess, and Emily, for accepting me so quickly, and making McDaniel a fun adventure. Thank you to the Hairspray cast & crew + my FYS + Alpha Psi Omega + my acting class + my Group Process class because you've ALL embraced me and become good friends with me, good enough that we've already cried together and run to each other for huge hugs. Thanks to Mariah for cheering me up with a baseball game. Thanks to John for being my go to bro on campus, which I seriously need and miss. I promise, you're not that cocky, and you are charming. Thank you to Mae, my peer mentor who has seriously been a huge help in guiding me through this new place, as well as a fantastic friend. Thank you to the T.O.D and all the bros, for all the laughs and brilliance you guys have. You've all been wonderful to me and I can't thank you enough for it. You made high school that much more fun. Special thanks to Jason, Storm, and Alex for being my best friends for so long, and always knowing exactly how to cheer me up. And for teaching me that I can be done with being the rebound girl. Thank you to Harrison for a ridiculous amount of memories, including all the beautiful music and gifts. Thank you to Abi for being my number one favorite person ever, and basically for being you. Trust me, you are a blessing in everyone's life. Thank you to Jonathan, for a whole lot. Thank you for us, I guess. We're so messed up and dysfunctional, but I can't imagine a life without you. Also, thank you for playing in Karla's wedding, it seriously means a lot. Thank you to Eric Allasi for always being front row for all my shows, and for a fantastic summer of friendship and fandoms. Thank you to Rose, Kimberly, and Shelly, who have been there my entire life, and continue to show me love and support every day. Thank you to the family of my friends, who have shown me nothing but kindness all these years, and have blessed me with some incredible people throughout the years. Thank you to my family for being there my whole life and making every reunion so perfect. Thank you to Eric Bowen for being so good to my family, and so good to my sister. And thank you Karla. Thank you for everything ever, because the list is WAY too long.
Is she done yet? Can this be over? OH MY GOD.
Almost! Sorry! Last words. Happy 2013 to all. And just a few links to get you into the new year spirit.
Love, Sammy
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