It's 2017

2016 Resolutions I accomplished:

• Read the Bible cover to cover
• Watch all of Steven Universe
• Save a life

2016 Resolutions I did not complete:

• Books read - 6/12
• Marvel movies watched - 0/14

I had lots of ups and downs in 2016. It wasn't my favorite year, but it had a lot of beautiful moments. I already made an entire video about its highlights back for Thanksgiving, so I'm not going to repeat myself here. But I'm grateful. I made a lot of great memories, hit some major milestones, and got through some tough times. And now I'm here. 2017 is going to be great.

I almost didn't complete that last resolution. I wanted so badly to show someone the beauty of life with Christ, and I was sick of not doing my part as one of God's followers, so I made it a resolution. It felt a little selfish, especially since everything happens in God's time and it would only happen if God saw fit to use me. I almost gave up on it. But, without really even trying to accomplish the resolution, I was able to be a guide for Mandy. Believe me that her accepting Christ has brought me unspeakable joy and I am so happy for her. More than pride, I'm honored that I was able to play even a little part in that. It wasn't for me, but for God's glory, and doing His work is such an incredible feeling. I didn't know how good it truly felt until now, and I hope that He can use me again in the future.

As for 2017 resolutions, I've given up on the book thing. After 2 years I've realized that reading is not my priority and, as much as I enjoy it, it'll just happen when it happens. I also have given up on the Marvel thing. I will watch all those movies eventually, but I don't particularly care when so long as they're in order. After reading the Bible all the way through, I want to reread it in Chronological order, but that's less of a resolution and more of a desire for someday. Maybe next month. Right now I need to take a break and go back to reading it for no purpose other than my own spiritual growth. So I guess the only goal I have is save another life. Maybe two this year. God proved to me that, as long as I place it in His hands and allow Him to speak through me, it's possible. I may just focus my energy on that one goal. It's the most important anyway.

I don't want to make some long Facebook post where I tag everyone in creation and get a million notifications just so I can recap the year that everyone else went through. But a lot of people have played a significant part in the highlights of 2016. I owe much of my joy and fun to them. You are, of course, included in that, and I don't think 2016 would have been anywhere near as special without you next to me. I almost wish we weren't so funny because these videos are gold and I'm trying to figure out how to make them shorter haha. I'm excited for them to go up. Until then, I'm gonna try to stop being nostalgic and focus on what's ahead. That's always been difficult for me. But hey. Keep moving forward.

New Year's Eve (Goodbye 2015)

New layout for the new year. Ya dig the new look?

(I still think the butterflies were super pretty but I got sick of all the yellow haha)

I've had a beautiful 2015. A hard 2015. An interesting 2015. An eventful 2015. A heartbreaking 2015.

Basically this year has been absolutely all over the place, as you can maybe see by my "Soundtrack of My Life" posts on my private blog. I think I may continue that next year, just 'cause. Overall, I'm grateful for the insanity I went through, and all the things I gained this year. Like my beautiful Little, or a visit from my best friend, or bonding time with my youth group. I'm also grateful for the things I lost and learned. Losing my pride and finally going to counseling. Losing whatever relationship I had with Ethan and learning more about myself and God's plan for me in the process. I was a part of some of the most important shows I've ever done this year. My self esteem is building, slowly but surely. I'm taking better care of my body. I am working harder than ever before. I've gotten some of the nicest and most meaningful compliments I've ever gotten in my life. I am now realizing the immense work I have to do so that, instead of just focusing on getting myself closer to God, I can allow the Lord to use me for His work and His plan and spread His word and love to others in my life. And I have a wonderful niece who loves me. And a beautiful nephew on the way. I am blessed.

I have completed 5 out of 6 of my 2015 resolutions. I watched all of the Studio Ghibli films, all of Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, and all of Doctor Who. I made a workout and diet plan for myself that was healthy and safe back in December of 2014, and I stuck to it to the absolute best of my ability all year. And I wrote in this blog every single day. According to the little sidebar, I missed two days, but I actually only missed one, and didn't realize until a few months later so I couldn't make up for it. So there should be 364 reasons to be happy for the year of 2015. A whole lot of happy.

For 2016, I want to read 12 books (since I meant to do that in 2015 and only read 7). I also want to read the Bible in its entirety. I haven't read the whole thing cover to cover since high school when I still didn't really grasp it, and this way I still read it every single day. I want to watch all of the Marvel movies because I keep saying I will and I never do. I want to watch all of Steven Universe. And I want to save a life. At least one. Or, better phrased, save a soul. I'm a whole lot of talk but it's about time I really let God do His work through me.

I don't think I will write in this blog every day anymore. This was once a very safe place for me, but it feels compromised. I will not start a new blog or move this anywhere else, because this is our space, yours and mine, and I want it to stay that way always. But this was a place where I shared my deepest and bluntest thoughts. Instead, I want it to become a place where my words impact all its readers positively and shows them the good. I will be sure to still write. At least once a month, or maybe every week. This blog will not go dark. God gives me so many blessings and I refuse to be silent about them. But I accomplished my goal, and now it's time for me to move on to new goals. I promise you will still be updated on all the wonderful stories in my life. And, just because I don't write everything on here does not mean I will let the light go out. I'm going to start 2016 right and make it even better than 2015. There's so much to look forward to! So tonight, we will go to church, we will enjoy the evening with the Bowens, and we will get ready for a whole new set of memories.

#SammyInToronto2k16 #PrayAboutIt

Habit Forming Is Hard

So guess what I told myself I'd do every day in 2015? Write in this blog again.
Guess what I completely forgot to do. Write in this blog again. It's January 2nd. Proud of you, Sammy.

But forreal. I haven't written in ages. I barely do anymore. It's like I've started to take fun, exciting things for granted and thought they weren't worthy of celebration.

LIFE is worthy of celebration

Here's what I should've written yesterday:

I told myself that as soon as I got home from McDaniel for winter break, I would go on the elliptical for 30 minutes every day, and do 9 sets of 8 crunches. I have not missed a single day. Today I replaced the crunches with a 30 day challenge that's supposed to help your abs. Dunno if it'll work, but I'll hopefully get good at all the stuff! I was also on the elliptical for 35 minutes, and intend to keep that up until January 16, when I will make it 40. Baby steps.

I finished The First Phone Call From Heaven by Mitch Albom today. It was brilliant. I love him so much. There's a reason he's my favorite author. His way with words is incredible. And his books are great for everyone but especially people of faith.

I started the New Year with my sister and my niece. How absolutely lovely.

In 2014, I wrote a poem people ended up really liking. I went to the UK and saw some of the most amazing and breathtaking sights I've ever seen in my life. I met my hero, Carrie Hope Fletcher. Jared Leto won an Oscar. Daft Punk won several Grammys. I had the honor of co-stage managing in Alpha Psi Omega with an incredible person for an wonderful group. I fell deeper in love with Rooster Teeth as they released awesome content including a new season of my favorite show. I dropped my Communication Major and adopted the minor instead. I finally. Finally. FINALLY. Escaped a seven year unhealthy relationship. I was re-elected as Stage Manager. My niece turned one! I went to 4 different concerts, including the 1975 (easily my favorite concert), 30 Seconds to Mars and Anberlin (two of my favorite bands). 1975 was also where I fell in love with Bad Suns. Germany won the World Cup. Spent some quality time with some quality church friends, and strengthened those bonds immensely. Enjoyed Summer for the first time in SEVERAL years. I became a Peer Mentor and worked with people that continuously inspired me. I roomed with my best friend. I won a couple giveaways. I led a class and got loads of compliments. I started a youtube channel. 

Wow guys. Wow.

Back In the Cornfields

Today's gonna be one of those LIST days

• Left the house at a pretty nice time. No rush. And I was right. Everything DID fit. Ha! (Seriously. Why do I own so many things. And after taking so much, why is my room nowhere near empty. Too upset to use correct punctuation. What).
• So we get onto Georgia Ave and as we pass by a certain road, my mom says "Bye Jonathan!!". There are times I think she likes him more than I do. Welp, I was amused.
• Nice, calm drive.
• Looked to the right. Yep. And there are the cornfields.
• First person I see here is Nick, who lives with the boys. Then I see Cole. And they both give me wonderful hugs. On my way to pick up my key, I also see Kelsey and Ellen. It all just feels so natural. Seriously. Campus. This place is so comfy.
• See John and he runs to me and hugs me <3 And when his friends call him out on his girly running, he says "Sammy deserves excited running". Ugh, I missed this kid.
• Move NONSENSE into the room. Takes forever. But honestly, I'm so happy with it. It's just spacious enough. We have this really big window and the desks are next to it so we have a view. The furniture isn't great, but it'll do nice enough. ALSO, all of it is shorter. Odd, but obviously I have no problem with shorter.
• Go to target to pick up a few things. See basically half the world. John gives me a giant hug and I run into Shannon! (My roommate). She's basically already moved in, too. (I guess while my mom and I were out eating). Nick tells me that apparently he works at Target, so discounts are a thing. Um. Yes.
• Come back and see Sara, which is super exciting!
• Get the room exactly how we like it. Our walls are still a little bare, but it's really not so bad. The finishing touch is some Christmas lights around the frame of our beautiful window. No AC, but home nonetheless.
• I'm sure later I'll see more people and probably eat and just go crazy because I'm home! Yay McDaniel!

PS: My mother killed a wasp in my room. I was terrified. Here's to NO MORE BUGS IN MY ROOM. PLEASE & THANK YOU.

Off to a Good Start!

Reason 157: So we start 2013 in the best way. Guess who is finally talking again :) 

-sigh- I'm pathetic, I know. But I'm a little too happy to care. ^_^

And now a song from the best band ever: U2

Long Rant Is Long

Reason 156: The end of 2012.

Sorry. I'm about to rant endlessly, and I need to say this. Feel free to skim through it, but I just need somewhere to say everything. After all, this is 2012. Haven't we waited for this year.. for all our lives?

This year is, without a doubt, the most memorable. I started thinking I might have someone to keep around, and end the year alone. Hehe, not that it's bad, just an observation. But seriously, I can't even believe how much has happened. It's been a long year! We were already planning my sister's wedding! I built up someone special to me only to be let down. I went to my last Theatre Fest. I reevaluated my friendships, but mostly myself, and came to terms with everything. I played matchmaker! I sobbed at new anime, because that's what I do. I had a friendship that proved to be one of the most important things in my life. I participated in my final show with Einstein S.T.A.G.E, and sobbed farewells with the family that I've come to love so dearly. I got close to my church family, realizing just how much support and love they have given me, and finally appreciating their company. I got close to depression (well, at least someone thinks I did), and took steps to help myself. I kept a journal, and realized how much writing could heal me. I spent an absolutely miserable, not-worth-the-money night (prom, which my mom forced me to go to) with one of my favorite people in the world, making it all a million times better. I graduated! My sister and I graduated in the same month, and moved onto bigger, brighter things. I got into the school of my dreams, and made the decision to not go in order to save money for my family. I learned new things about one of the best friends I'd had for over 4 years, and realized just how much I could really count on him and look up to him. I had the first boyfriend my mom was okay with... which lasted all of 2 weeks haha, and I learned that I get over things long before my mother does (she brought it up LAST WEEKEND.. like.. can I help you?) but maybe my being okay with my life is slightly more important than my mom being okay with my life. -shrug-. I spent the last few days I could with the people who have been so special to my life for so long. I got a journal that changed my life. I got my heart absolutely shattered, and spent a good bit of my time feeling a ridiculous amount of pain, until I finally stood back up stronger than ever. I got over it, and realized how much of my life I'd been ignoring. And I started a blog that changed my life for the better, making every day something to look forward to. I got addicted to the YouTube community (more so than I already was, yeesh), and have been able to find people that seriously inspire me. I got an itty bitty turtle named Peligro. I got over myself and went to a school I wasn't too excited about, only to find out that it was the perfect place for me. I got stuck with the most incredible roommate I could seriously ever ask for. I made some insane, but oh so wonderful new friends. I got a significant role in my first college production. My sister got married to the first boyfriend of her's I've ever liked, aka the man who has proven to me time and time again that he truly loves her and our family. I felt pretty for the first time in years upon years upon years, and spent the day partying with my family, a very good friend, and relishing in my sister's glow. Seriously, I've never seen her happier than her wedding day. I'm still proud of myself for holding back my tears and keeping my shoes on! I spent the night, and the rest of the week, talking to the person who works his way into my heart so easily. I felt a connection with him that I'd never had before, even if we were limited to text on a computer screen. I skyped with this kid until 6am one day, just to have him joke and suggest and explain, while I sobbed and missed him and laughed and had my breath absolutely taken away. Sorry, it sounds ridiculous, but you don't forget calls that last til 6am. I was let down when I couldn't see him. I questioned my relationship with him. I questioned my relationship with a lot of my friends. And I think I'm still getting answers. Other answers presented themselves right away. I put on my first college production, and had an absolute blast with this new family of mine. I got news that, by June next year, I'm going to be an aunt. (By the way, the baby is now the size of a sweet potato!). I came home and watched my S.T.A.G.E babies put on their fall show, making me realize for the 1st time how much I missed home. I lost our little turtle. I cut my hair exactly how I'd wanted it for over a year! I went through a lonely phase, as I so often do, because I'm the only one without a significant other. I began to get over it. In fact, I think I'm finally okay with just joking about it and knowing that my time is far off, and it's better that way. Let's be real, I need time to find some better options (haha I love my boys! So much! All the love!). I made a decision that really has defined me, and I think it's made me more capable of focusing on myself rather than the things in life that shouldn't matter to a teenager. I started writing letters again, which was so great for me. I decorated for winter, and had basically the coolest looking dorm ever. Whoever stole my ribbon was obviously jealous. I had the worst birthday ever, along with the strongest illness of my life. I finished my first semester of college, with all A's! I came home just in time to see my sister getting over her Hyperemesis and, though she's still not fully healed, start to get better and better everyday. I bought the least amount of Christmas presents I have ever bought in my life! And sent out all my Christmas cards, aka my favorite tradition. I went to my sister's church and cried. I went to my church and spent time with some of my favorite people, even if it did get a little hectic. I spent time with my insane but oh so lovable family. I read 2 books in 2 days. And now we're here. 

Oh my gosh why is she still writing, aren't her entries supposed to be short? Isn't she done yet? GAH.

 Sorry, but some thank you's are in order. Thanks to YouTube, because all you vloggers have taught me a lot over the year, as well as made me laugh to no end. Thank you to everyone I go to church with. You guys have brought me SO much to be thankful, including a support group that I know will never steer me wrong. You also managed to bring me back into reality, and snap me out of my lonely spiral to see that I need to focus on me. Thank you to all my little S.T.A.G.E loves for your support and encouragement, and all the hugs everytime I visit. Special thanks to Spencer & Diana, for being there for me this summer/first semester in more ways that you can imagine. Thank you to Smeallie, for all that you've taught me, all the support you've shown, and for believing in me. Thanks to Evan for the love of a big brother, and for making prom fun, despite the dress up (because in case you didn't know, I LOVE jeans, and I despise wearing dresses). Thank you to JuanJosé and LuzKarime, who despite distance are absolutely always there for me and have proven to be some of my best friends. Thank you to my girls, Charlotte & Margie, for making me laugh like absolutely no one else in this world can. Thank you to my girls on campus: Lauren, Sara, Jess, and Emily, for accepting me so quickly, and making McDaniel a fun adventure. Thank you to the Hairspray cast & crew + my FYS + Alpha Psi Omega + my acting class + my Group Process class because you've ALL embraced me and become good friends with me, good enough that we've already cried together and run to each other for huge hugs. Thanks to Mariah for cheering me up with a baseball game. Thanks to John for being my go to bro on campus, which I seriously need and miss. I promise, you're not that cocky, and you are charming. Thank you to Mae, my peer mentor who has seriously been a huge help in guiding me through this new place, as well as a fantastic friend. Thank you to the T.O.D and all the bros, for all the laughs and brilliance you guys have. You've all been wonderful to me and I can't thank you enough for it. You made high school that much more fun. Special thanks to Jason, Storm, and Alex for being my best friends for so long, and always knowing exactly how to cheer me up. And for teaching me that I can be done with being the rebound girl. Thank you to Harrison for a ridiculous amount of memories, including all the beautiful music and gifts. Thank you to Abi for being my number one favorite person ever, and basically for being you. Trust me, you are a blessing in everyone's life. Thank you to Jonathan, for a whole lot. Thank you for us, I guess. We're so messed up and dysfunctional, but I can't imagine a life without you. Also, thank you for playing in Karla's wedding, it seriously means a lot. Thank you to Eric Allasi for always being front row for all my shows, and for a fantastic summer of friendship and fandoms. Thank you to Rose, Kimberly, and Shelly, who have been there my entire life, and continue to show me love and support every day. Thank you to the family of my friends, who have shown me nothing but kindness all these years, and have blessed me with some incredible people throughout the years. Thank you to my family for being there my whole life and making every reunion so perfect. Thank you to Eric Bowen for being so good to my family, and so good to my sister. And thank you Karla. Thank you for everything ever, because the list is WAY too long.

Is she done yet? Can this be over? OH MY GOD.

Almost! Sorry! Last words. Happy 2013 to all. And just a few links to get you into the new year spirit.

Dis One and Dis One.

Love, Sammy