December Catch-up

Wow. Have I really not written on here in almost a month? Yeah, I've been busy. But that's unacceptable. Let's get so some smiles

• It's Christmas. Like I know it's not yet, but it's Christmas. And there's pretty lights everywhere and all these fun decorations and outfits and the radio has Christmas music and people are in such a cheerful mood. Yay holidays!
• We keep getting all this amazing food brought to the office. Blessings galore.
• I miss McDaniel and Dog Party and Holiday Cabaret and all those fun things. But it's nice to see everyone else enjoy them and have a whole new generation take part. Plus, Torreke and Veronica danced to Howl's Moving Castle score and I'm still not over it.
• I had my last therapy session on the 9th. I was told that I could always count on my therapist as a resource if I ever needed it, but that I'd gotten to a good place and made a lot of progress in a short time, so I don't need regularly scheduled appointments anymore. I've gotten my anxiety to a manageable place.
• I had a birthday! With lots of fun gifts! And delicious foods. But mostly, with my favorite people. Cutting a cake with my immediate family was honestly so nice. My niece always manages to put a big smile on my face. She even prayed for our dinner and for my birthday. I was a very happy aunt. And the next week, I had a bigger dinner with some close friends. Seeing them was such a treat, but seeing them all get along and become fast friends is truly the greatest gift I ever could have asked for.
• I had a lovely brunch with Jim Dyson, only my favorite alumn ever! We caught up and talked life after McDaniel and RWBY fan theories. He's such a good person and I had a blast. Can't go wrong with Silver Diner!
• I've been able to talk to Nick a lot more. The kid has a life, and finals affect everyone differently, so I am still sad that I didn't get to see him for my birthday, but I refuse to hold a grudge or let that get to my energy. I'm just glad we're talking somewhat regularly again. I'm very happy to have him in my life.
• Michael is such a great friend. He's just so supportive and kind and understanding. I am glad that we've always gotten along so well.
• Hairspray Live happened. It may not have been the greatest thing ever but I had fun and it brought back some sweet memories.
• Pentatonix had their own Christmas special oh my goodness I am way too proud of them.
• I got to see Eric! We had a mini-birthday celebration for the both of us. I need that boy in my life more, seriously, he's a gem and I miss him.
• Brookside Gardens twice. I never ever ever get tired of that place. It's so beautiful and magical and happy. It reminds me of childhood, and it's so fun to walk through, even if it is cold haha.
• Ugly sweater party at church! Even if I didn't win, everyone looked so cute and it's nice to be silly with the youth group every once in a while.
• Christmas party at work was awesome. Exhausting and kinda expensive on my end, haha. But awesome. People are still telling me how much they enjoyed the games, which is always nice to hear. And I just enjoyed some delicious food with people I am proud to call my co-workers. Everyone looked so good. And I got the most beautiful ornament from my boss' wife. There's no way on earth she knew how much I love angels. That's God at work right there.
• Have I mentioned how happy I am that you're here? I hope I have. Because I really am. I almost feel spoiled compared to the 8 years without you right by my side. I have no idea what I'll do when you leave. But I know it's not forever. And until then, I'm loving the mess out of having you in the states.
• There's more. There has to be more. It's been such a good time. I am so very blessed. Bad days happen and bumps get in the way but overall, I am grateful. I pray that the rest of the world be able to feel the love this holiday season. It's a scary time for so many out there, but none of us are alone. And there's always someone, somewhere willing to help in whatever way they can. So I'll do what I can to keep spreading that cheer. And to keep it going all the way into 2017!

Guidance

Bless. My. Counselor. Seriously, just telling her things and having her sympathize and understand means so much. She is a gem. And she always gives me good coping methods. I love her strategies. And it just feels good to remember that I'm doing okay and I can move past this new battle.

Ethan Time

I finally did the scary thing. It was really scary and I thought I was gonna get judged. I didn't. My counselor is lovely. God bless her.

I spoke to my counselor about Ethan. And it was nice. I dunno. I don't tire of telling people how we met. 'Cause in all honesty it's a funny story. It's sweet. But I told her all of it. Some stuff, I have already said a million times. Others, she made me realize for the first time. But she laughed with me. And she sympathized. And she understood. It was really nice. It's always good to be reminded that, even though it was only two weeks, all the feelings are valid. The joy. The affection. The hurt. The confusion. The longing. The sadness. The annoyance and anticipation and wonder and sadness and nostalgia. I was so scared to tell her about all of it. Because the whole experience is just this giant mess in my life that could've been so easily avoided at so many different points. But it happened. And I'm still so absolutely glad it happened. Maybe not the lying. But the rest of it. It was magic.

She gave me a new tool for it. "Ethan Time". Obviously, I'm going to feel things. And I need to think about him. If I straight up try to ignore and just get angry or judgmental when the thoughts come up, the thoughts will just get even louder and stronger. But I also can't pretend like obsessing is going to give me all the answers. So, Ethan Time. An actual allotted time every day. And all I do in that time (no more than half an hour, but I think I'm leaning towards 15 minutes anyway 'cause who has the time for that) is think about him. I allow the thoughts to come through. I let my mind drift with it. And then, at the end of the time, I say that's enough. And if thoughts come any other time throughout the day, I very gently remind myself that there will be time to think of that soon enough, just not yet. I dunno. It could work. I hope it works. I'm ready to stop having all these dreams. They've become more frequent and more vivid. But that just reminds me that this matters. And it's okay that it matters. It's human. And it was magic. And as we all know, I am quite the fan of magic.

Carress

My counselor told me about a GREAT way to cope with stress called the Carress method. I can't exactly type the whole thing out right now. It's kinda long. But the basic premise is do 10-15 minutes of something that helps you express your feelings, than 10-15 minutes of something that boosts endorphins, and then 10-15 minutes of something super relaxing. It sounds beautiful, honestly, and I cannot wait to use it. It will be nice to have a plan for when my anxiety acts up.

Side note, John went to the gym with me today. He worked me to no end. Which like thank you. But also ughhh. Whhyyyyy. It's for the best. It will help me. I just have no motivation lol. Also no stamina. But I guess that comes with time and lots of effort. He's a good friend.

Also, heart to heart with my lovely roomie Jess. Always a good way to spend the evening.