Never Alone

"We need deliverance"

"We need God to deliver us some appropriate husbands ASAP"

Sometimes I think I'm funny

You'll hear about this in the letter, but loneliness has been on my mind a lot lately. It almost consumed me yesterday, quite honestly. But I have to keep reminding myself that it's okay. The problem is that, as much as I tell myself that, I don't have a real support system anymore. It's just me. Like, I have plenty of people who smile at me, tell me they're praying for me, and say "all in God's time", but they seem to have made their peace with the issue (mostly because they're all married so like cool, you have retrospect and whatnot). Which is why I'm grateful for people like your sister. Who NOT ONLY understand what it's like to doubt yourself and your romantic future every now and again, but ALSO know what it's like to wait for God to give you the okay. So we can take a moment to whine and cry about the fact that "God said no, and you already planned the wedding" haha. But we can also remember that there is a reason and a time for everything.

Things discussed tonight that were MUCH needed:

• Men are pretty. And boy is it tempting to just go with the next pretty guy who smiles at you.
• God will not bring us the right person until we stop LOOKING and actually LET HIM HANDLE IT
• Problem is, whether we mean to or not, we are 100% always looking
• God can see the big picture, and we can't. So maybe we should trust his vision
• We have to let God work on us first before we can be good for someone else
• We will miss everything if we don't just listen to Him and follow His timing
• "He's preparing the guy just as he's preparing us"

Simple truths. We've all heard them before and they'll be repeated to us many times in the future. But it's always so good to know someone else is struggling with you, and that you can support each other in a fight that is so so worth it.

Cleared!

That crazy moment when you are cleared for registration and you basically have planned out your entire senior year. WHAT. I don't even know. It's scary and oh so intimidating. But next year just becomes more and more real. Still, I know I'm going to face it with some really amazing people. I actually look forward to this. I am excited for this. This will be good. Yes.

Children Are Our Future

Just got a text from miss Amanda G (currently a junior at AEHS, and a good friend of mine from the theatre department).

Amanda: Hey Sammy. This is Amanda Gamage. This probably seems really out of the blue, but I just wanted to thank you for being so passionate about theatre. Most especially Einstein theatre. Just thank you for being my friend, and for all the advice and memories I got to share with you. Now that I've had two years to reflect - it was so significant. So just thank you so much.

Me: BABYDOLL. lol I love that you introduced yourself as if your number ever left my phone. I adore you. And you will so many amazing things in your life. Thank you for you kind words. And thank you for making my high school experience as amazing as it was. I met kids at McDaniel who hate their HS theatre programs because everyone was rude and stuck up and the program wasn't good enough to earn respect. And that's so not our story. Never forget, STAGE is love, always.

Amanda: SAMMY!!! I just got back from the end of the year party. And I was crying when they were showing clips from Drood and Drowsy. It's so hard to comprehend that my stage career is almost over, and just - WAAAAAH. HOLY CRAP HOW DOES ONE EVEN BEGIN TO HANDLE THIS???

Me: Hahaha I know dear. It shattered me. Both those shows mean more to me than most people will ever understand. But you just gotta move forward and make them proud by being an even better version of yourself and succeeding in what you love. Also, visiting often helps. Plus, someone like you can find friends and a home wherever you go, so there's more love to spread!


A much needed amazing way to end today. Sometimes I don't mind being the clingy one who lives in the past. 'Cause some people are totally worth it.

Sex In My Cup

I went to a coffee reading. Basically, you drink this coffee and the coffee grounds at the bottom dry into a certain pattern. The reader then finds patterns and images in the grounds and tells your near future. By the way, the sex was not in my cup.

A foretelling by Toni for Sammy:

• Wisdom from an unexpected source - alright. Praise God, I can always use more wisdom in my life.
• Beware a snake in the grass - I can deal with metaphorical snakes easily. If I see a physical snake in the grass I may cry. Toni laughed at me.
• Finals will be tough - She said this was likely due to my procrastination and that a workload would hit me hard. I could have told her that much.
• My partner is S - You're supposed to press your thumb into the grounds and see a letter in your print. She saw S. THANK GOD. IT WAS. NOT. J. Because that could be a million and twelve people I know and I would've sat there thinking about it for ages. My letter was S. I could think of only two people, and it IS NOT them for sure haha. Which is wonderful. Because that just means I haven't met him yet.

Not to say I believe in all this. I'm probably a bit too religious for all that. But it's still a lot of fun! And it's something to hope for. Especially that last one. I feel like God is reassuring me. Yay wisdom!

But Ya Gotta Have Friends

Reason 332: Today was a day for revisiting friendships. After the whole drama of a BEE IN MY HOUSE, I calmed down and got myself to Downtown Silver Spring (lolmiddleschool). I spent my evening with Jason! It was fun, I honestly missed him. Same humor and personality I love. I can see some change in him, he's grown up, even if only a little heh. And he's still really kind to me, which I so needed. We went to Color Me Mine, and of course only I painted because Jason was too afraid he wouldn't like what he made haha. We got some frozen yogurt, which was flippin' delicious. We talked about a whole bunch of stuff. You know, they say misery enjoys company. And it's not like I'm glad to see Jason upset. But considering how distant I've felt from our old friends and how much I feel they've changed, it's just nice to know I'm not the only one who sees it. It may just mean I have some growing up and changing of my own to do. But at least I'm not alone. We saw This Is The End. So much of it should not have been funny but it had me rolling! I'm so glad I got to see it. And then we ran into a couple of friends from high school, all of Jason's old gang, but (aside from one) they were all upper classmen and weren't so close with me. I was surprised that out of all of them, I got the warmest welcome from DP. Due to some series of events, Jason's mom couldn't come get us. Getting  a ride with the group meant staying and waiting, and it was like 9:40. So, like a selfish brat (I hate myself I'm so awful omg I can't believe I did this I'm a horrible person) I called Eric (Allasi) and asked him for a ride. And like the knight in shining armor he is, he rushed over and picked me up. And I spent a good 5 minutes thanking him and saying how sorry I was. And then we just caught up and laughed and talked about work and such. Seriously, it's impossible to feel down around Eric. He treats me so well. To think I let him go for someone who dumped me after two weeks. Meh! Look at all the things that change in a year :)

This song is a part of the letter I wrote you today