More Dresses

Today I learned that, if and when the time comes, I will not be able to settle on my wedding dress. At least not without making it super obvious that I settled. Please tell me a price before I even look at a single gown.

Mommy and I went shopping today because we're going to a wedding on Friday. I needed a dress for the wedding, and also thought I could reuse it for semi-formal. Mom said I'd buy this one and she will get me a dress for Christmas or New Years as well. Tried on a whole bunch of dresses at Macy's. So pricey! But I had fun! I actually enjoyed trying on dresses and they looked half decent on me. I was excited. And there was a lovely wine colored dress that I liked (and my mom really liked).

Then I tried on this amazing red dress. Seriously, I own like three red dresses already and this one wasn't even all that but OH MY GOODNESS I tried it on and fell in love. The others were nice, too. Much more simple and I wouldn't have to wear a cardigan or anything if I wanted to take it to church. But this dress. Something about the idea of wearing this red dress on my birthday made me so so so happy. But ooh that price tag.

So we put the red dress and the wine dress on hold and we walk across the mall to a store called Bliss (so pretty). Found a lovely red dress. And it was really elegant. It was a nice high low with beautiful lace. And I felt good in it. My mom liked this one better than the one at Macy's, and the tag had a much lower price. But I had my heart set and I could feel it break. I was going to have to settle.

My mom could see how hard the decision was, so she suggested we double check the price at Macy's because many of the dresses were on sale. Turns out both Macy's dresses were cheaper than the one at Bliss. Mind you, my mom wasn't crazy about it because she preferred the last dress. BUT we saved money and I got my perfect red dress! And my mom does still like it, so I suppose it's a compromise on her end. I cannot begin to express how excited I am to wear this beautiful thing on my birthday. And the wedding of course but that's a separate matter.

The Dress

December of last year, we had semi-formal with Alpha Psi Omega. The theme was myths and legends. So I decided to go as the princess from the Legend of the Blue Rose. Because I'm me and that's perfect. And I thought, well I'll just wear my bridesmaid dress from Karla's wedding. It is the perfect shade of blue AND that dress made me look and feel amazing on what was the best day of my life. So I packed the pretty thing up and it hung on my closet door for a few weeks.

Day of the dance, I am getting ready, and I finally put on the dress. It won't zip. Just won't zip. Won't go up. And I'm mortified. And so ashamed. Because it fit beautifully two years prior. And now it would not even pretend to zip. Had it been literally any other item of clothing, I would have been fine. I could have torn the dang thing and been alright. But not this dress. I sucked it up and put on a cardigan and literally hated myself for the rest of the evening. And that night is what finally got me to start taking care of myself. Within the next week, I started my diet and exercise plan. I think I officially started on December 12. A lot has changed since then but, one way or another, I have managed to lose weight in a healthy and safe way and get closer to my goal.

Something in me literally shouted at me this afternoon, once I was unpacked and settled back at home, and told me I had to try this dress on effective immediately. And who am I to tell the voices in my head no, amiright?

It fits like a dream. I could not be happier. I can't begin to tell you how thrilled I am. Seriously. Beyond words. Because in less than a year, I lost the weight that I gained in two years and two months. I've made progress. I set out to do something and I freaking did it. I didn't realize how absolutely happy I would be and how great I would feel once I put that dress back on.

I'm sorry if this seems superficial and shallow. Maybe it is. I mean, I'm still not at my goal weight, so I will continue to keep working. And I know I should not be so caught up on my appearance. But appearances aside, I accomplished something. I did it in the way that was right for me. And now I know that I'm capable of reaching my goals and keeping my resolutions as long as I am determined and have God on my side. Maybe making me too sick to workout these past two weeks was His way of saying, hey slow down, you're doing alright. Who knows really? But He helped me get here and I couldn't be more grateful!

Wined & Dined

I went to a dinner tonight at the Four Seasons Hotel in Baltimore's Inner Harbor. I, along with some other students, went to this dinner as a thank you to all the benefactors who have helped with several of the scholarships the school has awarded us. Everything. Was. Beautiful. The hotel itself was GORGEOUS. That staircase. Ugh. And the salad was so well done. Baby spinach, blue cheese, a sweet vinaigrette, and some fruit, all with light ranch dressing. All the flavors just blended so surprisingly well! And we didn't even add the dressing ourselves, the waiters poured it for us! WHAT? The dinner was a delicious chicken, an interesting take on potato slices, and the most tender salmon I've ever eaten in my whole life. MMM. Dessert was 3 small samples. The first was like blueberry pie. The second was a small chocolate mousse. The third was vanilla pudding? It had these little spheres that looked like Dippin' Dots, but they weren't cold. They tasted of Cookies & Cream. UGH. Dead. And, after some pretty great speeches by both teachers, donors, and students, there was an acapella performance by a group from Mount St. Mary's called "Pitch, Please". The hymns were beautiful, Jasmine and I were fangirling the whole time. People were dressed so elegantly and really treated you so kindly. It was just beautiful all around.

Lipstick

"You looked so pretty last night. Like so pretty. I just really like you in red lipstick. I dunno. Just you in red lipstick. I like it. I'm going to get you some for your birthday. And something else. But red lipstick for your birthday." - Sara Connolly

This week hasn't been easy. I've felt pretty miserable. But you know what? I had to put that aside for a few hours every night. I put it aside and did what was best for the show. I smiled and collected tickets and showed people where the bathroom was and took them on the service elevator and sold chocolates and cleaned the theatre and told everyone how wonderfully they were doing. And I smiled! Even if my role wasn't so important, I pulled myself together and did the best I could for it. And, honestly, I looked fabulous doing it.

Dressing Up, Looking Good, & Feeling So Alive

Reason 95: Halloween. First time I dressed up in ages. Seeing all the costumes. Getting all done up. Taking pictures. Eating candy. MAKING OUR OWN STORY. I absolutely love this holiday. Today was just fun.

This is Emma. She's my white twin. This was decided during Hairspray. Interestingly enough, the costumes were not planned! (I'm SO GLAD I got that haircut!!)

And this is what my title is from. MY CHILDHOOD. IT'S SO 80'S!