10/30/16

I posted a video about my mental health and how it related to my faith. It was scary to film and endless to edit. But it's been well received and people have said lovely things. It makes me happy.

After a miserable week and a brutal weekend and just a really really hard morning, I didn't want to talk to anybody. I didn't want to see anybody. I didn't want to do anything. I wanted to lie in my PJs and eat chocolate. And the ONLY person who could get me out of my rut was my best friend, over 400 miles away, who couldn't even give me a hug. I was so looking forward to Skyping him later that night. But we didn't get to Skype. Instead, he showed up right at my door, and I got a hug after all. And, even better, I got the news that he will be around for a couple of months, so I get lots more hugs for some time. There aren't enough words in any language to express my joy. Thank you for absolutely making my night.

Love. Pure Love.

Jaroll had a special today at church. He played his trumpet, as he so often does. But he dedicated it to us. The college kids. The four people who are leaving throughout this month. He thanked God for the impacts we had in his life. And one by one, he said how we made a difference. He thanked me for helping him find joy in every day. I was already crying. And then he got to his sisters, and it took absolutely everything for me not to let those tears run. Today was the wrong day to wear eye liner. He played three songs. The last was my mother's favorite hymn slash one of my favorites to sing. My heart was already so full.

When we left, Amaris (little girl about 9 years old) said "They want you to go to the classroom". Who is they and which classroom? I asked several people but eventually figured it out. Bryan taught class that day for the kids about six to eight. And they made cards for the four students who were heading to school. And all the itty bitties signed it. Everyone just wants to make me cry today.

We were making plans to decorate our classrooms for VBS in the afternoon and I had been at peace about it all week because KARLA WAS HELPING ME HALLELU! Nothing can go wrong with my sister by my side. All week she had helped me brainstorm how to make the room look awesome and she went shopping with me so we could have all the perfect materials. We were set. Except they told me she wasn't allowed to come. They said, "We told people from church that they couldn't come. It's only those directly involved with VBS. So she probably shouldn't come either". I panicked. My heart sank. I had so much joy and they shot it down with a couple of sentences. I called her and she of course was hurt and confused. But it didn't matter. She rushed over to my house to explain how everything should be done. She made some of the crafts before getting there. And she stayed IN THE CAR OUTSIDE THE CHURCH to help make more and even advise me should I need anything. My mom told her to leave because the situation made her uncomfortable, but Karla was there. Because of her love of God and of me, she wanted to help so badly. I am grateful for that lady every single day.

The Right Words

There are words that you sometimes need to hear in order to make your day better. It's odd, but it really works. Sometimes, it's an I love you from a friend, or from several friends. Sometimes it's words of encouragement in the gym. Sometimes it's your teacher announcing that this week's film lab is Star Wars. Sometimes it's a friend who is going through what you are going through, even though neither of you knew before, and reminding you that your feelings are valid and you did the right thing and your feelings are valid EVEN THOUGH you already know you did the right thing, and it's not alright, but it's okay. Sometimes, the words come from Sesame Street.

Ego Boost

Reason 341: Two guys walk into the store today. Age, I believe, is 16-19. Both decently tall and skinny. One white kid, longish hair, pretty cute, shy. One black kid, you can tell he's the social one, always crackin' jokes. They come up and black kid's already laughing. White kid is buying some sodas, being as social as he can be, avoiding eye contact. I'm my usual friendly self (well, friendly work self). Hand him his change back and he almost blushes at the contact, which amused me. And you can tell he's ready to duck outta there. His friend laughs as the white kid passes him and he calls back, "You know he likes you, right?" Silly me, I followed my usual half-joking self-deprecating ways and answered "He has poor taste". Black kid stopped dead. White kid laughs as if it's the funniest thing he's heard all day. "I'm sorry, what? What did you say?" "He has poor taste!". Black kid says in the most sincere way possible "No. I don't wanna hear that. You better not say that again. Beautiful girl like you? No, do not hate on yourself like that. You are young and pretty, you don't need that negativity. Don't treat yourself like that. I'm serious!" It put such a smile on my face. This kid needs to be a life coach!

Mom was playing this in the car today. Not the happiest song, but a very beautiful one.

 

What do?

Reason 319: So I told you about Mr. Dennis before, but for the purposes of this blog I shall retell the story. There's this kid whose name is Dennis. He is 15, Hispanic, goes to Northwood. He shops at the store often. He is incredibly friendly and always strikes up a conversation with whoever is at the register. I'm fairly certain he has some type of autism. But I think that may be why he's so friendly. Well today, I was coming back to the store after my lunch break (I eat in the office downstairs with my mom) and he was leaving the store. He sees me and asks how I'm doing. And he goes onto tell me that I'm very pretty and cute. At which point I turn bright red because I CANNOT handle compliments ever. And he's all concerned and asks "Too awkward?" to which I reply honestly "No, not at all. It was very flattering". He smiles and goes about his way. Gah. He's a sweetheart and he makes my day.

I can't stop playing this. Nope. Can't do it. In my head ALL THE TIME.

Sidenote: Missing Blogs!

Reason 314: "Good morning, gorgeous. :) For Father's Day we would like our youth group to perform a skit & I would absolutely love if an expert, like yourself, could help Jennifer & I organize it. Let me know what you think. Have a great rest of the day!"

D'aww, they love me. Sounds like fun! Yay theatre in church! :D

And now, Neji is a turtle.

SIDENOTE: What is happening to my blogs?!!? First off, I went to our tumblr and it was... different? There were no posts. And the layout is funny. I don't. What? Also, I followed Mama Kowaleski here on blogger and now her blog seems to have been deleted? Cries for days! I loved reading it!

Personal Invite

Reason 283: Cole messaged me today. "Oh but before I forget. As a friend of mine, Nick's, Jon's, and now Alex's. You are always welcome over at the house next year for food and shinanigens." Honestly, that touched my heart. It's nice to feel accepted :)

What needs to happen is I need to stow away in your suitcase

Newsfeed

Reason 191: So there's a trend going around for schools called (insert school name here) Compliments. Someone makes/runs a facebook with that as their name. Friend has a compliment for another person, such as "Rosie Suchandsuch has pretty hair", and sends it to the compliments page as a message. Then, the admin of the page posts that compliment as a status, tagging Rosie Suchandsuch, and the sender stays anonymous. So whenever Rosie Suchandsuch logs into facebook, she will see a pleasant surprise. Now, this trend has been going around for a bit. And McDaniel FINALLY got one! So I've been spamming/stalking it on the daily. I've posted a few, which is nice. And I had one posted for me today! Which was super sweet and touched my heart. My friend Josh Harding and I decided that, for every compliment we get, we will send a compliment for someone else. So I posted "I saw Colin Evans at a Danger Sauce show and didn't have the courage to talk to him, but I can tell he's a nice, charming person. I think the winning smile gives it away." And he actually saw it and replied "Thanks so much! If you come to another show you should talk to me." Which makes me think it actually did mean something to him, and makes me less nervous about ever approaching him if I do see him again hehe. This page is genius!

Also, I'm sure you heard we won

 

Sidenote: Happy birthday to my big brother, Evan :)

Always Look On The Bright Side

A facebook status:

 For those of you feeling like shit, here are some kind words that I would like to send upon you. The thing is, sometimes things suck, and sometimes things are great, it's hard to focus on the really great things in life when it's so easy to focus on the bad, and it sucks that things are that way. But though life has its moments and they may seem to last for a long time, these moments pass and bring together new moments that are happy and fun filled, and to really understand how even being able to chuckle in a disheartening situation and to know that for a brief moment something inside of you was happy in any sort of way I think is a very beautiful thing. Sometimes though the sad moments stack up and life gets to be very top heavy, well that's how life usually is but sometimes it's hard to notice how stacked up it all really is when you're too busy laughing it off or doing something you love, or being with someone you really care about. Everyone has something that is their solace of happiness, don't ever take it for granted and even if you do I hope that you realize how important that thing was and how even when it or he or she is gone that what really matters is that you had those moments where you were happy and that you were joyous and that it doesn't stop because certain people aren't in your life or you aren't experiencing any certain events but it stops when you want it to. Nobody has any dominion over your life unless you want them to, and though it is hard to get out of a situation that seems like it is so, there is always a way if you really dedicate yourself. I know that sometimes life those end up tragically for some, but I believe there is always something anyone can take from any tragedy, any moment. In short, life does suck sometimes but not all the time, not if you don't let it. You are powerful, beautiful, strong, determined, dedicated and passionate people, and some more words that I don't know because my vocabulary isn't high enough and because I would have to make up new words that wouldn't get put in the dictionary because, "DFHFLADSK;HGL" isn't a word, but if I could describe the world in an infinite amount of everything, I would. Yeah I'm stupid. Anyways the TL;DR be happy ya mingus. Great job!

Reason 72: Emmanuel Abi Fuentes, aka my #1 favorite person ever (without exaggeration), and his innate ability to make me smile and laugh and brighten up any room he walks into. If anyone in this world deserves happiness, it is this child.