Wakanda Forever

1. Great friends are great
2. Great food is great
3. Black Panther is so great and I love it so much and there are too many attractive people in one film holy smokes I just ughh swoon the whole movie also every bit of the movie is visually stunning and those costumes are to die for and WOW that soundtrack is too dang sick for its own good

2/16/18

A long day. I can't exactly go into details. But, despite feeling rather ill, I celebrated with lots of people. Old places and new places. Tried lots of new things. Had a grand old time. Good people just make any situation better. Also I saw Iron Man 2.

The 5th

It was cold this morning. Too cold. So cold my car was essentially frozen shut. And there wss black ice everywhere. So I was afraid and mama said no no, I will take you to work. Which meant more time to relax, actually seeing sunlight in the morning, and spending a bit of time with my mom.

After craving sugar for what feels like forever and a day WE GOT M&MS AT WORK. I saw the commercial yesterday, by the way. It literally had to be Danny DeVito haha.

I took a Lyft home. The driver was so very nice. And she made me feel safe and comfortable. I liked her a lot.

Rehearsal went well but honestly I'm just happy I made it there and back safely. I got lots of work to do tomorrow so I'm off to bed a little early.

July 15-20

I really don't write in here enough

I've been kinda worried about the month of July. I knew I'd be busy. I didn't think I'd be busy enough to distract myself from the fact that July 17th would be one year since the crappiest homecoming and the crappiest phone call ever. And yeah. It was on my mind. But I was wrong. I was very very busy. And it's going to be blogged about in parts. And on different days because I'm lazy.

The first part is the easy one. Long story short, mommy wasn't feeling well so she decided to go to the hospital and get some meds. Turned out to be a minor skin infection and at no point was it terrifyingly serious, but she did have a ten minute surgery and she was given lots of antibiotics that kept her in the hospital a total of three nights. We knew she would be okay. But I'll admit, sleeping in an empty house is a lot less fun when the reason is because your mom is in pain. It was a tough time for her. But I'm grateful.

I'm glad we found the infection when we did, and that a quick surgery was all it took for my mom to feel some relief. I'm glad my mom was actually willing to go in the first place, since usually it's a big argument. I'm glad that Nestor stepped up as my knight in shining armor and drove all the way to my house just so he could give me a ride to the hospital so I could drop blankets and toiletries off to my mom - even though it was close to midnight. I'm glad that her coworkers, our family, family friends, church members, and even my friends who didn't know her gave an outpouring of support - it warmed her heart and actually really got me through the icky, lonely period. I'm mostly glad that when I felt alone and scared and stressed, Karla knew that her mom needed her and that she would be of more help than someone stressed about missing work could hope to be. Karla, along with her whole family, drove up from North Carolina and stayed with us for the week. It was probably the best surprise my mother could have asked for. And the immediate relief I felt once I had my big sister there was beyond expression. It was the part of the movie where the music changes and you hear the theater audience collectively breathe because the tension is gone and things are definitely going to be okay now. I can't thank the Bowens enough for being willing to make the trip.

Mommy is feeling a million times better now and life resumes as normal. We are a very blessed family to have a God and a community looking out for us at all times.

3/4/17

• I received your letter. It's literally magic, how they arrive at the perfect times
• Charlotte and I had roadtrip fun as we went to McDaniel
• I was home. Just being there is so good.
• I saw Emily for the first time in ages!
• She formally asked Jess & I to be her bridesmaids, and I teared up
• Jess A. saw the completed Quote Wall scrapbook. She approved
• Hung out with my McDaniel Theatre squad and had a blast. Charlotte put faces to names.
• Chick-fil-a
• Saw two awesome shows directed by two people I adore and performed by people who make me so dang proud
• I got hugs. Lots and lots and lots of hugs

When Margie visited McDaniel she kept making comments about how much people love me there. I laughed it off, because we love everybody! That's what family does. But tonight, I just felt it. I was surrounded by it. I feel this incredible, undeniable connection to these people. The way they light up when they see I'm in the greenroom. Or the beautiful, heartwarming compliments I get all the time. Wow the things people said to me today. The warmth that they showed me. It is a feeling I can't describe. And I'm blessed. I'm so so so very blessed. God put these people and this family in my life for a reason. If I, somehow, was able to touch these many people's lives, I'm doing something right.

I don't know what's going on in my life. I don't know when I'm going to feel 100% okay again. I don't know what my next steps should be. But I know I have an abundance of love in my life. With God and with the angels He has sent me, I can do absolutely anything.

Week of Elections & Gratitude

I'm grateful for Saturday, and all the fun people it brought. I got to spend the day with the lovely Jess Mies and WOW had I missed her. It's always good to see her and share life with her. Her presence brings me joy. And then you joined the fun! It's such a good feeling to have my two best friends in the whole world together. There was a whole lot of love surrounding me that afternoon and it felt great. Add in good food and I'm set! And that evening was the Bad Suns concert which was amazing. They're so good live. Jess is such a great concert buddy cause she and I can just jam to literally anything. It was also cool seeing Kimberly & Camillo! Talk about all the best friends haha. Catching up with her is always so lovely, and I'm glad to see her brother is doing well, too! Especially since I hadn't seen him since I was like 10 and still a baby.

I'm grateful for Tuesday. I got to vote in my very first election. It may not have turned out how I wanted, but I still voted! I did my part. It was really cool actually. I feel grateful for the chance to do it. Plus it was nice to see Weller Road in its new form. I hadn't been in there since I graduated in 2005! And now I'm a voting adult. Crazy.

I'm grateful for Wednesday and the spur of the moment concert. The 1975 never ceases to amaze me. On top of amazing music, the aesthetic is absolutely to die for. It was a much welcomed distraction from the insanity of the day. I cannot thank you enough for persuading me to go. I'm glad we could jam together haha. I think Matty Healy's words will be held close to my heart for a very long time. I expected him to talk about the election, and I know that he can be a smartass so I was ready for some jokes and big talk. But he took it so seriously. I honestly believed what he said. To hear those words from someone who isn't even from here, RIGHT after the fact, and IN the DMV. I can't tell you what it means to me.

I'm grateful for Thursday, and for McDaniel Madrigals. Our beautiful little choir group performed at the Kennedy Center last night. They did so so well and they looked so good. And IT'S THE KENNEDY CENTER. I'm endlessly proud of them, especially of all my Alpha Psi babies. Seeing them on my newsfeed and watching all the alumn comment on the stream was the highlight of my day.

10-15-16

My laughing trio makes any day special. We got to celebrate Charlottes 22nd birthday together. It was such an amazing time. I'm so grateful that we got the change to get together. We had some DELICIOUS sushi and ice cream, we caught up, and we even got real philosophical haha. And of course we laughed. We laughed lots. And that's always the best part. As an added bonus, I realized this week that, as a group, we only had 5 pictures together. Which seemed ridiculous considering all the time we spent together. SO. We went for picture number six. Special shout out to the precious people who let us bug them. Much obliged haha. Seriously, any night with my girls and some good food is A+.

10-14-16

My lovely cousin, Cindy, visited from Arizona this week. She's been living in Arizona for three years as a teacher for autistic students in grades 4-6. She was sent there as part of the Teach for America program, and now she's just there because her job genuinely makes her happy and she loves those itty bitties. Seriously. She's a super hero. The things she does just blow my mind and it's such an inspiration to watch her not only do so much good for these kids, but LOVE every second of it. Passionate teachers, man. They change the world.

The family had a dinner for her since her birthday is coming up. Wow was it lovely to be with everyone. I enjoy catching up and seeing all the babies. And of course, they make me laugh to no end and understand me on a level that no one else can. This group of people fills my heart. AND, Cindy, coming in clutch, got pupusas, yucca, and pumpkin cheesecake for us all. GOD IS GOOD. Hehe successful night all around.

Regular Friday Jam

I LIVE FOR FRIDAYS! Today is lovely. Jenny has her last day here at work, so everyone is spreading lots of love. It's nice to see them all nostalgic and see her get showered in the love and support she deserves. I'm glad I will still get to see her at church. She's always been there for me, and I'm so glad she's moving forward in her life and getting back to school. Karla is proof of how great this Physical Therapy program is, so I know she will learn a lot and have many opportunities come her way. Also, Ciara has been hired as an official employee. She'll be taking over Jenny's job. I'm glad that I'll still have someone here who is close to me in age. And someone I grew up with, no less! She'll do great, I know it.

To celebrate, we all pitched in and bought Jenny a yummy cake. Also, Maria, bless her soul she is a saint, made this AMAZING lunch. Chicken in this white sauce that is divine, made with milk and Salvadorian creme, which you already know I'm obsessed with. She's got an insanely good beef dish sitting in that slow cooker that has my nose all excited. And three fantastic kinds of rice. Seriously, she's a super woman and she is absolutely filled with love and generosity. Ugh, that food is so good, man. I'm blessed haha. On top of that, one of Maria's patients is so thankful for her awesomeness that he brought donuts for her and the whole office. So I may finally satisfy that craving after all. WHAT A DAY.

In 24 hours, I'll be on my way to McDaniel for a weekend visit. The hype is real.

Night and Day

I know you read the private blog every chance you get. I'm sure you saw that last night my emotions were everywhere. I had a lot of feelings about a lot of things. I went to bed angry. I hope you read this blog, too. If nothing else, I hope you read it today.

I woke up from a dream about Jonathan. First time in a long while. I mean, aside from that odd one in Chicago but I know exactly why that one happened, and my immediate reaction was a strong desire to call Nick haha. It's weird that Jonathan isn't my number one in that regard anymore, but it's a welcome challenge. Even if my preference isn't exactly attainable, I'd like to think Nick is pretty great improvement. I obviously woke up surprised today, and even a little nostalgic. But I think the best part is that I woke up with nostalgia and not longing or sadness or jealousy. Getting over your first love is an ongoing process and I'm not sure it ends. But I'm gaining peace. A peace I clearly did not have yesterday.

I woke up feeling surprisingly rested for someone who got less than 6 hours of sleep. I got the chance to pray this morning, and I actually had time to talk to God about every item on my list. I rarely have time for that, and it felt so good to give my problems up to God at the start of my day. I even had a bit of extra time. So I watched some of my shows and started the next step in the VBS decorations I'm making. I also sent a good morning text to the cast of Alpha Psi today. They've been on my heart lately and I hope I could help them start their day right.

Everyone's in a good mood at the office today. It's Friday so we get out early. We're all chatting and laughing. I'm making some good progress today. I am finally caught up in my work. The doctors aren't here and there's less patients so everyone is casual and comfy, and they feel so much relief that it's rubbed off on me. I packed a lunch but Hermana Claudia is a gem and she's buying us pizza. Looks like my lunch can be my dinner tonight!

After work, my dad and I will practice driving. We're going back to the parking lot so I can practice backing up hehe. I feel oddly at ease about it? I'm sure I'll have nerves when I do it, but I don't foresee it being nearly as bad as I've been in the past. And then I will go home and hopefully have time to make a video. During which I will most likely be making more decorations hehe. Today is a good day. It's Friday! I feel better than I have in quite some time. Let's keep this good mood going!

My Support System

I had a crap day on Monday, and you were there for me as soon as possible. That Skype session gave me a sanity and a clarity I cannot explain to you. Thank you for being there. For talking to me and listening.

For the days when I come back in tears, Rooster Teeth has got my back. Last week, On the Spot completely lifted my mood. This week it was Cloudberry Kingdom, and of course my fabulous RT Ladies doing werk. These people don't even know me, but wow they've done a lot for me.

I don't even have to say it, I can call Karla for ANYTHING. And she has the right words. Support. Encouragement. Scripture. Common sense. She is my rock.

On Wednesday, I went to IHOP with Xabiel. It's so good to spend time with him, honestly. Like, I admittedly don't have many guys from my past who I can just be open and ridiculous with and have everything just be platonic and comfortable. But, for real, I don't think anyone is more pressed than he is to prove, especially to my family, that there is NOTHING ELSE THERE AND WE ARE JUST FRIENDS hahaha. He's still as fun and difficult as ever. And I'm still complicated. So we good haha. I appreciate him in my life, even if it's only once per break.

Today & tomorrow are National Cheesecake Day! The most important holiday in existence. And I get to see Mariah, Torreke, and Mandy (and maybe Alexa?) as we go indulge in the greatest dessert there is. And we can catch up and love life together. All Mariah's idea. She's been planning this since the breakup or whatever you want to call it. It's her way of cheering me up. Let me tell you cheesecake does wonders and I'm SO EXCITED for nothing but smiles and love tomorrow.

Basically it's been a hard two weeks. And I cannot guarantee that it'll be easier any time soon. But I'm so blessed with the people in my life who are always there for me, even though they don't fully know how magical they are. They keep me going. Thank you <3

10-21-15

We are working with the world's best team. I don't know if my Jan Term will be possible for me because I can't afford the class AND the festival. Turns out that auditing, aka taking the class for free, means you don't get housing. I thought that meant I couldn't go. I was pretty sure that was the end and I'd have to be okay with not going. But Elizabeth immediately emailed Res Life and basically said "I need these people here". There's no guarantee it'll work, but the office is already working on it and pulling all the strings they can. I'm very blessed to work with the people I am working with.

Sir Paul the Goodwun

Paul, Mariah's Little, wanted to thank our apartment for being kind and nice and fun and wonderful and opening our apartment to him often. His words not mine. But he said sweet things. And he bought us cheesecake.

FAVORITE CHILD

Go Elizabeth Go

She's basically doing all she can to make sure this project is a success. I appreciate her so much. She cares a lot about her students and her show and I'm just endlessly grateful for that. Plus, she's allowing me to go home tomorrow so I can't be anything but grateful.

We're Crying and We're Still Flawless

Today has been quite difficult for a multitude of reasons. Sometimes, when that happens, all you need to do is sit in your room and cry. I hadn't done that. I don't know if I would've let myself do that. But Twin, wonderful amazing Twin, let me just vent and talk to him. And cry. And we both cried 'cause we both have a lot on our plates. And it was so lovely just to be surrounded by that love at just the right time. And then have him to laugh with right after. Yay Twin. I also am super grateful that Jess was at dinner tonight and I got to just enjoy her beautiful company, and also that Brandon has been beyond kind and gives great hugs even though he has no need to be so supportive. Just yay people.

Company

I saw lots of pretty faces today. Like, I got to hang out with a lot of people who I love. And that's all I need honestly. It's a wonderful thing. I even got texts from you and your sister. And I texted my sister. I'm happiest with the people who are in my heart.

Love. Pure Love.

Jaroll had a special today at church. He played his trumpet, as he so often does. But he dedicated it to us. The college kids. The four people who are leaving throughout this month. He thanked God for the impacts we had in his life. And one by one, he said how we made a difference. He thanked me for helping him find joy in every day. I was already crying. And then he got to his sisters, and it took absolutely everything for me not to let those tears run. Today was the wrong day to wear eye liner. He played three songs. The last was my mother's favorite hymn slash one of my favorites to sing. My heart was already so full.

When we left, Amaris (little girl about 9 years old) said "They want you to go to the classroom". Who is they and which classroom? I asked several people but eventually figured it out. Bryan taught class that day for the kids about six to eight. And they made cards for the four students who were heading to school. And all the itty bitties signed it. Everyone just wants to make me cry today.

We were making plans to decorate our classrooms for VBS in the afternoon and I had been at peace about it all week because KARLA WAS HELPING ME HALLELU! Nothing can go wrong with my sister by my side. All week she had helped me brainstorm how to make the room look awesome and she went shopping with me so we could have all the perfect materials. We were set. Except they told me she wasn't allowed to come. They said, "We told people from church that they couldn't come. It's only those directly involved with VBS. So she probably shouldn't come either". I panicked. My heart sank. I had so much joy and they shot it down with a couple of sentences. I called her and she of course was hurt and confused. But it didn't matter. She rushed over to my house to explain how everything should be done. She made some of the crafts before getting there. And she stayed IN THE CAR OUTSIDE THE CHURCH to help make more and even advise me should I need anything. My mom told her to leave because the situation made her uncomfortable, but Karla was there. Because of her love of God and of me, she wanted to help so badly. I am grateful for that lady every single day.

Family In Christ

Pastor Serrenil, his wife Linette, and his daughters Clarissa, Gigi, and Sabrina are leaving back to California on Tuesday. Today was their last day in our church, at least for now. I don't know if they will come back. I hope so. This family has done so much for me and they don't even know it. For YEARS I have felt separated from this church, not from God, from this church. And somehow, the pastor helped close that gap. And he made me realize how much I have to work on without talking down to me or making me feel scolded. God put him and his family in my life for a reason. Before leaving I was able to say goodbye to him, and then I thanked his wife. Linette is basically the person I want to be when I get older. She gave me some solid advice and told me she had faith in me and my future. She barely knows me, but she legitimately believes in me. She then gave me her number and told me to call her whenever I needed someone to talk to. Seriously. This theatre loving Sister has brought new hope to my life, and I am forever grateful.

6-27-15

I have to be kind of vague about this one because some stories are not mine to share. But I heard a story on Saturday. About a woman who gave a lot of herself for some wonderful children. And, even though she was in a tough place herself, she still had such a big heart that she found a way to save these kids. It makes me think of how very blessed I am not to realize that this is a reality for very many people. But also, it fills my heart that people like her exist. She has done a wonderful thing, and despite only having met her, I admire her greatly.

People Who Care

I have constants in my life. I have God. I have family. I have my theatre and the lovely people in it. And I have you. And those are what keep me going. I am eternally grateful for them.