Start the Weekend Right

Hooray for sweetness! Yesterday, we were visited by Corner Bakery and they gave the office tons of delicious desserts, on top of some DELICIOUS sandwiches (and chips that ran out before I could get to them). They were all super great. The brownies are fab and the cookies are so soft and lovely. But the CHEESECAKE BARS. CHILD. I was in heaven. It was just such a nice surprise. And when it was time to go home, my mommy surprised me with two slices of cheesecake! What a wonderful life.

Today is a new day. We FINALLY fixed the copiers, so I no longer have to do a 20 step process to complete my work (nor do I have to give other people more work). The boy also FINALLY checked his mail! No response for the letter just yet but honestly, I'm just so relieved. I'm no longer wondering whether or not USPS did their job haha. Now the ball is 10000% in his court. And even if the conversation has ended, I'm okay. And I'm happy knowing that I'm okay. I did all I could and I'm genuinely satisfied with the situation. I look forward to the future, whatever it may have in store. Today is Friday, so I get out of work at four. I will head home, go to McDonald's, stop by an ATM, and head to Jeannie Bird Bakery in Westminster. I am gonna see Dead Man's Cell Phone at McDaniel tonight and I'm gonna love on all my babies. Things are good. God is so good. I've got a feeling that it's just gonna keep being good. One way or another. Let's keep it up!

Plans Are Weird

After stressing for forever about when I should go back to campus because this snow is supposed to be horrendous and we don't know how roads will be, McDaniel was smart and closed school for Monday. I appreciate that they actually care about people's safety. And now, my parents will be much less stressed about what I will have to do to get back. We can take our time and move in Monday afternoon when things campus is cleared off and taken care of, and I can spend just a little more time here with my mother. God's plan is best plan.

Day 21: Currently reading

Yay play! Can't wait to start working on this insanity next week :)

Relief

We did not move on in Irene Ryans

I feel kind of guilty for not being upset. But like, I'm so so so relieved that we don't have to worry about Irene Ryan nonsense anymore. Jen and John can stop being stressed literally 200% of their lives. And I can actually start to enjoy this festival. Do things for me. Dedicate time for what I want. And find some time to finally rest. Today I went to my first rehearsal. And I could not be happier. I'm thrilled to be working with a cool new director, a passionate new playwright, and a talented new cast. This is the part of theatre that I love.

Day 14: Patterned

New school, new tacky yet endearing furniture

To The Place Where I Belong

First off, we need to talk about the S.T.A.G.E blog. Precious babies are enjoying their wonderful time in Edinburgh. I'm jelly. But also super happy for them. Reading the entries gives me joy. Partially because I'm seeing all these pictures and thinking I WENT THERE! I'VE NEVER SAID THAT BEFORE OMG. I CAN ACTUALLY SAY I'VE BEEN THERE. And mostly because this is an INSANE experience and I'm hoping that they love it and learn a lot from it. It's good for them.

Speaking of good for you. ONTO AUGUST BLOGGING!

Day 1:

• Bless these people, they really do not understand how to travel. We're so inefficient. It's so cute.
• A conversation plane ride and I'm wide awake!
• California weather is hot but oh so nice. The breeze feels lovely and there's no humidity!
• West Coast Baptist College has a beautiful campus. Not necessarily the place for me, BUT it was so nice and everyone was very sweet and accommodating.
• We caught a glimpse of Lancaster Baptist Church's Vacation Bible School and man did these guys go all out! Shows what can really be done when people put forth the effort (and money).

Day 2:

• Evangelizing! Honestly, I don't think that's where my gifts lie. But it was good to do it all the same. Especially knowing that someone's heart actually was touched and we helped someone get through a hard time. We also had some pretty AWESOME guides. 
• We had a tour of this place and it really was nice. Again, not the place for me, but anywhere is more likely to have better music resources than McDaniel. I can see why other people would certainly be very happy here. I'm glad I came because I've now seen Angelique in this environment and know that she will definitely benefit from this school.
• Also really glad that this has the little ones thinking about college. As I predicted, tour guide called me out on asking all the big questions. Good. I made the kids pay attention. And most of them seemed to decide that this was not the place for them BUT they certainly have an idea of what to look for. I've planted a seed. Hallelu!

Day 3:

• BEACH. Mind you, I don't love the beach. At all. Far from it. But the weather was so nice and the view was pretty sweet and these people just had my laughing the whole time. 
• Service. I learned to plant a seed and shine my light. I think everyone who goes to church hears this once in a while. I can't describe it or reiterate it as the guest pastor did. But his personal experiences and stories, as well as his wording and evident love and kindness just touched me. It made it obvious to me how much my testimony and the impression I leave really mean. We even got to speak to him and his beautiful wife afterwards. I seriously love how kind people here are.
• More kindness. We found an old friend of Hermana Delmi's after the service. He and his wife were lovely and funny and automatically showed us so much kindness. They even invited us to dinner at In n Out Burger! It's a thing. I've finally tried it. Check that off the list.

 Day 4:

• Six Flags all day
• We actually did have a lot of fun. Again. Not so much because of the activity. It really was just because of the people I shared the day with.
• I took a picture with Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Porky Pig, and Foghorn Leghorn!
• So much Harley Quinn and Superman stuff everywhere. I was a happy girl.

Day 5:

• We're still really bad at this airport thing. But we have improved significantly.
• All our seats are separated. I am placed next to a kind older gentleman who is actually very funny. He talks to me about how much he hates So Cal and just prefers Virginia. How his family is from the city, and how he left his parent's home at a very early age (as opposed to kids from our group), and now he and his wife live in the country! We spoke about food, tourism, attractions, his daughter, and college. It was very pleasant.
• Right as the plane started moving, a stewardess explained to me that some girl near the front was very distraught about her seating arrangements and was hoping to trade seats with me (I'm assuming it had something to do with family). So instead of being alone in the 22nd row, I was alone in the 8th row. This time, however, I was sitting in Economy Plus. More leg room! 'Cause I totally need that, right? Haha. I also sat between two pregnant women who were both very sweet and would joke every now and again with each other. Overall, I'm hapyp witht he flight. Didn't sleep so I'm exhausted. But I'm happy.
• Now I'm home. And I'm so so so so so glad of it. (Also. Finally saw new RWBY episode. SO GOOD)

Every day all the time:

• Very personal moments with these wonderful people. Moments that helped me learn where the people I cared about were in their lives. Stories about our pasts. Jokes about the future. Absolutely idiotic moments. Advice and prayer. And so much understanding. And an overarching feeling of love that I truly needed.
• Parodies of all kinds of songs
• Jokes about Joshua trees

Minor Change Major Joy

I basically just go rid of the source of all my negative stress and awful hatred towards this school. My useless SIS class is coming to an end, and most of my McDaniel Plan requirements are done with. I can do this guys. I can graduate on time. I can do what I love. And everyone is being super supportive of my decisions.

I am no longer a Communication Major. I have switched to a minor, meaning it will still show up on my degree. And next semester, I get to devote myself fully to my Theatre Major. I. Am. So. Happy.

#GodIsGreaterThan FINALS

Reason 284: At around 1am, #GodIsGreaterThan was trending. Sorry for those non-religious who don't care. I don't expect a lot of people to. But it was such a blessing, in a time of stress, to be reminded that He is greater than heartbreak, suicide, stress, sadness, pain, fear, insecurity, sin, and anything this world could possibly throw at me. Truly what I needed. And I hope everyone has something like this, small as it may be, to keep them going.

That's it! We got it! Let's go!

Edit: This. Announcement. I'm too excited for caps lock. Are the chances slim? Yes. Do I care? No. I think I might die.

I'll Regret This Later

Brace yourselves. It's another long one.

Reason 261: I'm going to say something I didn't think I'd say here. Family read my blog. My friend's mom reads this blog. I don't like calling people out, and quite frankly it's not the type of thing I want to put on here. But I'm going to write about it.

My friendship with John is somewhat of a sanctuary for me. This is partially due to my need for male interaction, seeing as my friend groups have never really consisted of much estrogen before now. It's mostly due to the kind of relationship we have. We can actually talk about anything. Seriously. People have scolded us for talking about really private things in public, and we forget that we're not supposed to be comfortable mentioning those things. Most importantly, I know for a FACT we will never be attracted to one another. I can't explain why. If I do, it will make him sound like a complete jerk, which is not my goal. I mean he is a jerk. Especially when it comes to his standards in girls. He admits to this every day before anyone even has to remind him. But I honestly prefer it. Here's why.

I HATE being the rebound. But I always am. The vast majority of guys I'm friends with have, at some point, told me they liked me or were interested in me, only to gain my interest and then realize I was a "rebound" or "last result" or "desired hook-up, but not a relationship". Seriously. It's happened way too much. And it never ends badly. Give me a day, I promise I get over it. And I've stayed great friends with all these guys. They're not bad people. I see them with their other girlfriends, they know how to treat girls. It's really just with me. Jason once said that it was because, when you're at your lowest, all you want is kindness and love. "So, naturally, they think of you." Sweetest thing he's ever said to me, by the way. I mean it doesn't justify the guys' actions. But in a way, he's right. Good people don't do something like that unless they absolutely need to. And even today, they still apologize to me for it, even though it's not their fault that they didn't actually like me. A few of them are actually more strict about who I date because they don't want me to go through that again (not that they've had anyone to worry about for a while).

But the point is, even though it all has a happy ending and there are no hard feelings, it still hurts. In the moment, it stings. Especially because it's always the same story, and I'd love if someone could actually like me, not just need me. I'm tired of it. Not angry tired. Just drained tired. And, knowing me, it could happen again and I'd forgive the guy like it was nothing. I put my foot down, and said "high school is over, I'm not letting this happen to me anymore". And that kind of starts with John. Okay, so he doesn't find me attractive. Good! Finally! There's no confusion. We know exactly what our relationship is, we're both incredibly happy with it, and it will not change any time soon. With John, I feel safe.

I'm going to regret it later. I have SO much work to do. Not like "all-nighter" work. But "up 'til 5" work. But I took a few hours and just hung out with John for the 1st time since last semester. It was much needed. I'm in such a good mood. Hallelujah friendships. Also, this song is catchy and related (whole conversation started because we mentioned Hayley Williams and new Paramore).

Let Me Be Your Teddy Bear

Reason 243: I love that song! I also love that we are FINALLY getting updates about this years Children's Show, in which I am a teddy bear :3 Excited!! It's gonna be so crazy cute. Meanwhile, we got a half schedule (full at first read-through) in which I found out April 27th is a mandatory date. 27th? Day of my sister's baby shower?.... Uhm. Yikes. Sorry Mae, but I cannot. I have to put Karla first and that's final! -hides-... Oh, you're okay with it? You understand?! YAY. From best Peer Mentor to best Big to best Director! I love that girl.

Today's Recommendations

Song: Lovesick by Emily Osment

Movie: The Raven

Big Red Buttons

Reason 237: After silly driving nerves, THIS

Someone needs to tell Dan we're getting married.

ALSO THIS

My ultimate girl crush.

My subscription list was so long after this break! AND I came home to a new Glee. Aww yeah videos!

Never Making Promises

Reason 226: Ever get just so filled with emotion that you have to sob? Like, not sad tears or happy tears or proud tears. Just let it all out and breathe tears. Yeah, I like those. They feel great, and so relieving and comforting. You know what the best part of a show is? When all the little subplots finally connect and EVERYBODY finally knows EVERYTHING and uses all that knowledge to get to a solution. So it is with life. Getting generic answers is useful, but only for a time. Finally knowing 100% exactly the path you need to take? It's enough to make you cry :)

Title from HERE

Highlight of the WEEK

Sammy: I'm legitimately trying to find a discreet way to blog about it

Jess: lol be blunt as hell. He deserves it

<3

Reason 216: I'm not going to be "blunt as hell" haha. Let's just say a friend of mine posted something today. It was a very simple statement in regards to how he felt about his current situation. In short, he's content. On Saturday, Reason 210, I ended by quoting the picture I used, "I will do it." Today, thanks to this simple statement, I can say I've reached the final step. Because I'm content, too. Better than that. I'm finally extremely happy. And it can only get better from here. "Yes, I did it!"

PS: Thanks to all for keeping me in your thoughts and prayers. I feel SO much better in regards to this stupid illness. Gastroenteritis takes a good week to get rid of, so I'm still pretty contagious. But the symptoms are gone, and I've managed to mostly get rid of the cough I had beforehand. I don't sound dead when I sing anymore. Our show opens Wednesday. I'm going to Disney World. Blessings all around. God is good. Forgive me if I sound like I'm bragging, but I'm really just so happy.

Ed Sheeran rapping. Cannot get over it.

Beddie Bye

Reason 131: I have medicine!!! Finally! I can start taking this stuff and start feeling better :)  I look forward to regaining the ability to function hehe. Until then, my bed is my best friend. That and MLP teehee

Give it a chance! (This is like 45 minutes. You only really NEED to watch the first 20, but if you wanna be informed you should watch all of it... maybe not in one sitting though hehe)

Laugh In the Face Of Danger

Reason 108: That was AWESOME. I thoroughly enjoyed that. I told our story, in its most basic form I suppose. But I was still able to really get it all off my chest. People loved it. They were really into it! And they thought it was cool. And they thought it was relatable (lolwut). Oh, and it was 18 minutes long (LOUL). But the best part? After all that, I laughed. I laughed at so many points telling this story. Like, it's crazy. This is something that, at the time, broke me. I was miserable, and seriously found no good outlook on it. But now I can look back on it and say "look how silly I was. Look how big a deal I made it. Look at everything I went through we went through. And look where we are now" :)

Everytime.

Miracles Happen

Reason 61: ACTING ASSIGNMENT PUSHED BACK A WEEK. Halle-frikkin-lujah. This is like the biggest stress off my shoulders. Now I can just focus on Hairspray. WOOT. Happiness is a reality. There is a God. Yes. Just burst of relief. Good good. Happy happy. Joy joy. So on so forth. YES!!!

^My feelings right now.

What a world. What a life. I'm in love!

These Are My Confessions

AKA Confessions for Someday

Reason 44: A huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Haha is that sad? I dunno. I'm just glad I could tell you everything. I got some of the best sleep I've gotten in a while. And I woke up in a good mood. Thank you for listening, and actually hearing me out. Today is the perfect amount of sunny and breezy. It's like the world knows how great I feel :)

I know I've showed you this or put it on the blog before... If I haven't, I dunno what I'm doing with my life.